Page 28 of New Beginning

“Whoa,” Teddy exhaled the word. “That is so fantastic.”

The tree was decorated with glittering baubles—enlarged by the house, delicate glass drops that looked like icicles—ditto, silver stars, pearlescent snowflakes, snow globes that perpetually swirled, bristle animals, huge pine cones and boughs of red berries.

“Is it my imagination or has everything been super-sized?” Teddy said.

“The house was helping.”

“Thank you, house! There’s no star for the top. And the ladders are gone. I thought I’d bought a tree-topper.” He checked the bags on the couch. “Oh.”

“Oh, what?” Mikkel went to his side, looked at what Teddy had in his hand and also said, “Oh.”

Teddy grinned. “This isn’t what I chose but…”

The tree topper was an angel and a demon locked in a passionate embrace. The demon had scarlet skin, tail and horns, was dressed in black leather and had black, bat-like wings. The angel had dark hair and a radiant smile and feathered wings of ivory and gold. Light and dark entwined together. The angel had his arm around the demon’s neck and the demon held the angel by the waist. Longing was written all over their faces.

“They look like us,” Teddy said quietly. “But I’m not… I’m not…”

Mikkel held him tight and felt the house lift the ornament out of his hand. “You’re my angel.” Teddy wasn’t quite ready for the truth yet.

He turned Teddy in his arms so they were facing the right way and watched the ornament slide into place at the top. The moment it did, a subtle shimmer cascaded down the full length of the tree. The lights shifted from a soft glow to a dazzling twinkle, reflecting off the decorations and casting warm, dancing shadows across the high ceiling. Mikkel put his thumb under Teddy’s chin and pushed his jaw back into place.

“It’s beautiful,” Teddy said.

“It is.” Mikkel leaned down to press a soft kiss to Teddy’s temple.

“Thank you again, house,” Teddy called.

A single, cheerful chiming sound echoed softly from the hallway clock. The house saying, You’re welcome.

“Now we have to go to the tree-lighting ceremony in the village,” Mikkel said.

He felt Teddy tremble and turned him round to see he was crying.

“What’s wrong? I thought you were okay outside now.”

“I am. It’s just that I’m happy. I don’t deserve to be happy.”

Mikkel wrapped his arms around him tightly. He suspected that while Teddy might have understood intellectually that he hadn’t been at fault, emotionally he wasn’t there yet and for a while, he’d keep tripping over occasionally.

“I know you keep thinking about what happened and wishing you could change it. But feeling guilty doesn’t mean you were responsible. Sometimes terrible things happen that nobody can make sense of. If you spend every day punishing yourself, it doesn’t respect the people who died. They won’t get their lives back because you’re suffering. The best way to honour them is to live a life that reflects what they meant to you.”

Teddy clutched him tighter. “Do they have an existence like this, like the one I have? I mean I saw them in The Drift.”

“That was your projection. They won’t be in a place like this, but if they deserve happiness, then they’ll be happy.”

Teddy nodded. “You’re not going to tell me to get over it? Remind me that I died too?”

“No. I just want you to see the difference between grieving and feeling guilty, and that it’s possible to carry the memory of those who died without condemning yourself to unhappiness.”

“I’m a mess.”

“Ah. But you’re my mess.”

Chapter Seven

Later, they walked hand in hand towards the towering tree in the centre of Sparlow.

“Try not to get overwhelmed by the number of people who want to know who you are,” Mikkel told him, squeezing his hand. “Possibly what you are. They won’t ask that outright. At least, I don’t think they will. They should know better.”