Page 16 of New Beginning

There were very many things worse than death, but Mikkel kept that to himself. Anyway, Teddy had already experienced a little of that. He scoured his mind for what he knew about phobias. Desensitisation. Expose Teddy to his fear, let him panic, and don’t let him run away. Except that should be done gradually. Mikkel could dampen Teddy’s response if he needed to. It was worth a try. Though he hoped that when Teddy saw the village, he’d settle.

“How about this,” Mikkel said. “I’ll go and get the bin and bring it round to the front door. I’ll come back inside. You hold my hand. Pick up a bag. I’ll take a bag too. We’ll step out together. My shoulder against yours the entire time. It will take seconds.”

It was a while before the answer came but Teddy whispered, “Okay.”

“Good boy.”

The word boy had slipped out before he could stop it, but Mikkel heard Teddy’s shaky exhale and he didn’t sound upset.

“There are gloves,” Teddy whispered.

“Gloves?”

“To pick up the bags.” Teddy shuffled over to the kitchen and came back with a handful of blue vinyl gloves. He handed a pair to Mikkel.

No way would they fit, but Mikkel made sure they did. The house must have produced them for Teddy. Teddy pulled on a pair and gave him a shaky smile.

Mikkel went outside, brought the wheelie bin round and opened the door. He was pleased to see Teddy standing close to the next door. He held out his hand.

Teddy stared at it, his chest heaving with shallow, terrified breaths. “Seconds?”

“I promise. And if it gets too much, I’ll pull you back in and lock the door. Deal?”

Teddy took a long, trembling breath, hesitated for an agonising moment, and then slowly reached out to place his hand in Mikkel’s. “Deal.”

Mikkel tightened his grip, not enough to hurt, but firm enough to be an anchor. “Right. One, two, three.”

Together, they stepped over the threshold.

~~~

The chill of the evening air hit Teddy like a physical wall, sending a jolt of static panic right up his spine. But he pushed it back. There was no heavy grey above. The sky was bright with stars. There was the moon. He could see houses. He sighed. Yet within a second, the night sky seemed impossibly vast, a crushing weight pressing down. The ground felt instantly unstable beneath his feet, as if the path might tilt and drop him into nothingness. His instinct was to wrench backward, to bolt for the dark safety of the hallway, but Mikkel’s grip tightened.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured, his voice steady and low. True to his word, he pressed his shoulder firmly against Teddy’s. Well, more his upper arm really, as Mikkel was a lot taller. But Mikkel provided a solid barrier between him and the overwhelming openness.

Teddy squeezed his eyes shut, tightening his hold on the knot of the bin bag in his free hand. He was hyper-aware of everything: the faint rustle of leaves, the distant hum of a car engine—they should have been reassuring but he also felt the sheer, terrifying absence of walls. His heart hammered against his ribs like a trapped bird. I’m such a fucking coward. This is the world I know so why I am such a baby?

“Two steps,” Mikkel coaxed quietly, walking forwards with him. “Drop the bags. That’s it.”

Teddy opened his eyes just enough to see the black wheelie bin positioned only a step away. Mikkel put his bag down to lift the lid. Teddy tossed his inside, hearing the dull thud as it hit the bottom, followed immediately by Mikkel dropping his own.

“Done. Turn around.”

Teddy didn’t need to be told twice. He spun on his heel, his feet moving faster now, and practically lunged into the hallway.

“And another?” Mikkel asked. “Then they’re gone.”

Teddy nodded. And when they were in the bin and the two of them were back inside, Mikkel immediately pulled the front door shut with a solid, heavy click. And turned the key in the lock.

Teddy collapsed back against the hallway wall, sliding down until his knees hit the floor. He pulled off the gloves and buried his face in his hands, his breath coming in ragged, gasping wheezes as adrenaline slowly began to drain, leaving him weak and shaking.

Mikkel sank down beside him, his shoulder resting against Teddy’s. He didn’t press him to talk, nor did he offer false praise. He just stayed there, a calm, quiet presence in the dim hallway, waiting until Teddy’s breathing finally began to slow. Teddy sort of wished he’d call him a good boy again, because he’d liked it more than he’d expected to. He’d never been a good boy, no matter how hard he’d tried. He wanted to be a good boy for Mikkel. He didn’t want him to be cross that he’d been such a baby.

After a long minute, Teddy pulled his hands away from his face. He looked over at Mikkel, whose ungloved hand was still resting gently on the floor between them.

“I did it.”

Mikkel smiled back, a warm, genuine look in his eyes. “You did. And the world didn’t swallow you whole.”