Page 35 of Come Find Me Tonight

But where do I know him from?

His face is perfectly symmetrical, framed by an angular jawline that somehow still makes his face look soft. A five o’clock shadow dusts his cheeks and jawline, and I bet he could grow a serious beard if he wanted to. But I can tell that’s not his aesthetic. Which is my preference, too. A metallic glint catches my eye—his rook ear piercing.

His lips are perfect, full, not too big for his face, but I already knew that from our shared kisses, even if they were few and far between. His cheeks are soft, and I resist the urge to graze my fingertips over them. And then his eyes… He’s asleep, so I don’t know what color hides behind his slightly darker eyelids.

I always knew there was much more to him.

I don’t have to wait long to find out his eye color. His eyelids fly open as if he had been reading my mind in his sleep.

“Robby.”

His name escapes my lips like a whisper. Seeing his dark eyes meet mine transports me back to that night when I went to a frat party looking for someone older to take my virginity. But this man in my bed was in his early twenties at the time and told me to go home.

A tall, dark-haired guy started walking toward me. Finally. No one else at the party, which reeked of beer and future regret, seemed interested in me. I stood there all night wondering if I smelled bad or had toilet paper stuck to my shoe. But the crowd of college co-eds seemed to part to let him through to me, and my eyes rose to take in his height—easily a foot more than mine. He was a little dorky but hot as hell in a ‘take the glasses off,’ Clark Kent kind of way. He’d more than do for my purposes. But after opening with a cringe pickup line and telling me my name meant something in Korean, the handsome devil in the buffalo check flannel and too-loose jeans just told me to go home. He backtracked like he thought I was some little girl who wasn’t ready to handle him.

I always hoped to bump into him again. For the next four years, my stomach flipped every time I saw a tall, dark-haired guy on campus, followed by disappointment that it wasn’t him. I knew a couple of years after we met, he must have graduated and moved on, but the sliver of hope stayed grad school.

“It was always you,” I say, bringing my hand to cup his stubbly cheek. “This whole time. You were right here.”

“Fuck,” he mutters, sitting up. I prop myself up on my elbows with the sheet still covering my bare chest. His voice is loud without trying to be. I see now why he was always so hushed as Rook. “I fell asleep; I shouldn’t be here.” He stands, but I quickly grab his hand instead.

I’m not getting rejected this time.

My eyes stay locked on his, not dropping them to look at his naked body in the light. “No, no, you can’t leave,” I plead. “Please. I know it’s you from the party. Do you remember me?”

He looks back at me with an absolutely unreadable expression but stops moving. His jaw flexes. “Are you kidding? I’ve been kicking myself for six fucking years for not claiming you then.”

I let the sheet drop from my naked body and sit up, kneeling on the bed to replicate his seated height. “That’s all I wanted then and now.” I return my hand to his cheek. “But why have you been hiding? If I had known it was you…”

He cut me off. “Because you didn’t want me. You wanted Rook.” He looks away and clears his throat. “I’ve been hiding because…” He pauses and exhales loudly. “Of what happened later that year, after we met. I thought you’d think the worst of me.”

I move my hand from his cheek and shake my head. I narrow my eyes. “What are you talking about?”

He scoffs. “You just don’t remember. My roommate…he overdosed, and I got blamed for it on social media.” It rings a bell in my mind that a student died during the spring semester, but I never paired Robby with it. “It ruined everything, and I had to disappear. But I never forgot you, Appa.”

“That’s crazy. Come here.” I throw my arms around him and hold him to my body as tight as I can despite my screaming shoulders. “I’m not letting go of you ever,” I whisper, melting into him. He wraps his arms around me, too, and gently squeezes.

Even if it hadn’t happened six years ago, he was destined to be my first. Was I holding out for him subconsciously? I couldn’t have known it was him from the Rook videos, but the familiarity could have been what drew me into Rook’s world. And allowed it to invade mine.

Robby pulls back, studying my eyes. “You don’t hate me? I did so much to you last night.”

“No, you didn’t. It was…someone else.” Robby bites his lip and looks away. “What? What’s wrong?”

“I hated it. I mean, I love the sex, but the force, the roughness. It’s not me. It’s an act,” he says. “I’ve hurt you, and that kills me.”

I shrug and drop my eyes. “The only time you ever hurt me was the first time. Only briefly. But it was to be expected.”

“To be expected?”

“Well, yeah, it was, um, my first time. Ever. When you asked last night if I used my vibrator inside, um, I really haven’t. You’ve been the only—”

“Are you serious right now?” he asks, getting off the bed. He snatches his briefs and pulls them up his legs with more vigor than necessary.

I knew that’d scare him off.

“Don’t leave,” I whisper so quietly I don’t think he could hear my desperation.

He puts his face in his hands instead of dressing further and paces beside my bed. “Are you fucking kidding? Why didn’t you tell me?” He places his hand flat on the wall above his head and keeps the other covering his face.