Page 68 of The Scrooge Effect

Liquid pooled around my feet, but who cared about that when there was a celebration to be had?

“Guess what?”

“You’re alive,” he grunted. “Get in line.”

“Ha! And I haven’t walked into any unknown universes! It’s gonna be a good day!”

I spun around, spreading my arms wide as I took in the smell of antiseptic and piss. Man, it was good to be alive.

“Harper. I have to find Harper!” I laughed when Lock approached me carefully. “We need to get home immediately!”

“Edu, just take it easy. You had a pretty good knock to the head.”

“I know, right? It was insane, but here I am! In a hospital, and out of that stupid basement.”

“Right, but there are a few things we need to check before⁠—”

The moment he said check, I gripped his arm, pulling him closer. “If you say you need to run through a checklist ever again, I will murder you. I will tie your balls off, make them slowly lose all blood flow, and then sever them and shove them down your throat. Are we clear?”

He swallowed hard, nodding at me. “Sure. Whatever you need.”

Slapping both of his biceps, I leapt through the air, doing a fancy foot thing before landing with all the grace of a rhinoceros. “I think I need Fox. And Funyuns. And a show tune.”

“Okay,” Scottie grinned. “I see what’s going on here.”

“Ha! You know it, Dog! Wait a minute,” I gasped. “It’s almost Christmas, and I haven’t even gotten a present for Harper. We have to go! I have to go shopping!”

I rushed past them, but was instantly pulled to a stop by Brock. “Before you take off, you might want to put on some pants. You know, cover your ass.”

I looked at my backside and laughed. I was hanging out all over the place. “Probably a good idea,” I chuckled. “I’ll get dressed, and then we can head to New York.”

“Wait, why New York?” Lock asked. “We have to head home.”

“I need a present. A really good present,” I said excitedly, thinking of all the things I wanted to get for Harper and the kids. “And I need toys. Lots and lots of toys.”

“We can get those at home,” Lock reassured me. “We don’t have to fly to New York.”

But then an idea hit me. “Maybe I could take Harper to Paris for Christmas.”

“Or London,” Brock suggested.

My eyes narrowed dangerously at him. “Not London. Never London. If you think for one second that you’ll get me to wear a stupid top hat or tight britches ever again, you’re insane.”

“Tight britches?”

“And no fancy pocket watches. I’ve had enough of anything Victorian.”

The three of them shared an awkward look before Scottie stepped forward. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Perfect. Fantastic. Brilliant! It’s like the sky has opened up and the sun is shining. Everything is perfectly clear now. I mean, I would have chosen a different way to gain clarity other than jumping off a mountain, but sometimes, you have to do things the hard way.”

Lock sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Oh, my god. This is so bad. Harper’s gonna kill me.”

“On the contrary. She’ll give you a big hug for bringing me home safe,” I laughed. “Alright, gotta get dressed and get the hell out of here before another door opens and dumps me in another dimension,” I laughed.

Running down the hall, I skidded to a stop at my room and quickly grabbed my things. After changing, with the guys staring at me like I was insane, I was ready to get the hell out of Dodge.

“Wait, we have to check you out and have a doctor sign off,” Lock started.