Page 62 of The Scrooge Effect

That was a relief. At least he had his head on straight. “Well, one out of three isn’t bad.”

“The judge sort of made him enlist. It was that or jail. Yeah, he was caught multiple times tagging buildings.”

Shit. So, he wasn’t good. He was just doing whatever possible to stay out of trouble.

“What about the baby?”

The voice sighed heavily. “Never lived. Harper miscarried two weeks after you left. It devastated her.”

I felt the faintest touch on my shoulder, and then the white walls disappeared, and suddenly, I was sitting at the back of a church during the Christmas Eve service.

Families held candles and sang songs, filling the church with so much love.

“Why are we here?” I murmured, unable to think past what I had been shown tonight.

“Where else do you go on Christmas Eve when you have nothing else?”

“Are you going to tell me now that I need to come to church more often?”

“Actually, I just like this service.” His body materialized beside me, shimmering slightly as if he wasn’t fully formed. “Huh, it’s nice to see my hands again.”

I didn’t know what to say. There were no words to describe the man before me. He was the same as he was when he was alive, but…there was something different. A peace I wasn’t sure he had ever known when he was living.

“I used to come here every Christmas Eve. My favorite part was listening to the choir. That and the candles. It always felt so peaceful.”

“Did you ever bring your family?”

He shook his head slightly, his eyes turning sad. “No. I uh…” Laughing, he scratched his jaw. “I wasn’t very good at being a family man, if you can believe it.”

“Yeah, I can believe it,” I muttered.

“Hey, no judgment. Remember whose dream we’re in.”

“Fine, you were an excellent father.”

“Hardly,” he chuckled, but it quickly died on his lips as he closed his eyes and listened to the music. “I always wanted to bring them. I imagined being in the front row, singing to the music and… feeling the peace that’s here tonight.”

“So, why didn’t you?”

“I guess I always thought there would be time later. Then Isabelle was taken, and Rafe was… determined. Cash hated me. I think Knight might have been my only chance at redemption, but his mother hated me. Hell, I hated me. But I wanted that one chance, you know?”

“One chance for what?”

“To have that one moment of peace. You know, when everything’s right.”

I closed my eyes and thought back to that moment in the hospital when I held Gracie for the first time. That was my moment of peace. The joy on Harper’s face when she saw me holding our daughter, and the absolute love I felt when I sat on the bed with Gracie and Harper.

I sucked in a ragged breath, feeling tears fill my eyes at the memory.

What the hell was I doing? I didn’t want to walk away. I didn’t want to make my family miserable. I loved them, and I wanted their lives to be so much more than mine ever was.

And I could give that to them. I just had to stop thinking about the past, about things I couldn’t change. I had to let all that shit go and focus on my future.

I had to be honest with Harper.

“What happened with me?”

He blew out a harsh breath. “Things didn’t go so well for you. Lots of drinking. Lots of one-night stands that you always hated yourself for.”