Page 43 of The Scrooge Effect

“What?”

He actually pulled the hem of his pants down to show me his underwear, which was disturbing enough, but what I saw was even crazier. It wasn’t exactly underwear. It was more of a metal armor of some kind.

“Are you wearing a chastity belt?”

“Dude, I hardly think that’s necessary.” Then he frowned. “Unless…do you think it’s meant to go with the whole Marley thing? You know, the chains and whatnot?”

“How would I know? This is your dream!”

“Actually, this is very much in your head. You’re the one who got knocked unconscious, remember?”

It was just too fucking weird. All of it. I didn’t think I could take another second of whatever the hell this was.

“Look, can you just wake me up or something?”

“No can do, my friend. I have to follow the checklist,” he said, shaking the clipboard at me.

“Why don’t you just check everything off, and then we can get the hell out of here?”

“That would be cheating. Besides…I like having the clipboard.”

“You like being in charge,” I bit out.

“Well, that too. But you know how much I love a good checklist.”

I knew it, and worse, I was well aware of how long he could drone on until he finished the whole thing.

“Let’s get on with this,” I sighed. “I want to get home.”

“Me too. I mean, assuming you actually wake up from this whole thing.”

I grabbed his arm as he turned to walk away. “What does that mean?”

“Well…Edu, this is your life played out in a very…strange way. I mean, I’m not sure exactly what happens, but I’m assuming that if you don’t see the light, or whatever, that you might not actually wake up.”

“That could happen?” I asked, swallowing hard.

He shrugged. “I mean…I think so.” He clapped me on the shoulder, squeezing hard. “I really hope this helps. I’d miss you, man.”

I nodded, feeling like I was slowly suffocating.

“Hey, if it doesn’t, do you think I could get your truck?”

11

EDU

“Can we get on with this?” Zoe sighed. “We have a schedule to keep. Time is money, people!”

“I thought this was a dream?” I muttered under my breath.

“Oh, and you’re the only one with somewhere to go?” she snapped. “Some of us have lives to live that don’t include wandering around in your subconscious.”

“I didn’t tell you to be here!” I yelled as she turned on her heel and walked to the edge of the living room.

“Alright, in three, two, one!”

Everything went quiet. The lights around me dimmed until I could see only a kid on the floor, his electronic pencil doodling on a sheet that hovered in the air. I rolled my eyes at the technology that we most definitely did not have when I was a kid.