Page 33 of The Scrooge Effect

“I’m trying.”

“Not hard enough,” he bit out. “I heard she’s pregnant again.”

I nodded.

“And you couldn’t even smile at her. Say congratulations. Nothing.”

My sins were laid out before me in the worst possible way. My stomach churned at the thought of hurting her, of losing her. I knew I was ruining everything, but I didn’t know how to fix it, how to step back and see things clearly. My mind was so fucked up.

“I know I’ve messed up, and I will fix it.”

“When?”

I gaped at the question. This wasn’t something I could just fix overnight. “I’m going out of town today. I swear to God, I will get my head on straight while I’m gone, and things will be different.”

“They’d better be,” he hissed, “because if you come back and my baby sister is still crying, there won’t be a single person on your team who will find your body.”

As he turned and walked away, I slumped on the back of the station wagon and hung my head in shame. I was a failure, and right now, I was proving my father right.

I stared out the window the whole drive, trying to figure out how to get my head on straight so I didn’t lose my family.

Even after our talk last night, I had this sinking feeling in my gut that I was losing her. I was pulling the same shit as before, getting pissed about things that didn’t matter. I knew I wanted her and the kids; that wasn’t a problem.

But now that we were married, there were all these expectations that I’d never really dealt with before. Even several years in, I was finding it impossible to navigate. How did everyone else do this?

“Hey, you’ve been quiet the whole drive,” Lock said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “You okay?”

I nodded, but I really wasn’t.

“Come on. It’s me. I know you better than anyone.”

With Brock and Scottie Dog driving the backup station wagon, it was just me and Lock in the lead vehicle.

“I’m fucking things up with Harper.”

“Yeah,” he winced. “I think we can all see that, especially after that spectacle last night. Did you sleep on the couch?”

“No. But there was this moment when I walked in and saw her packing my bag…and I swear, it felt like my heart was about to pound out of my chest. I thought she was kicking me out.”

“Harper’s not like that,” he pointed out.

“I know, but I wouldn’t blame her. I was an ass.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “You could say that.”

“She’s gonna get sick of me and leave. I just know it.”

“You don’t know it. You’re jumping to conclusions.”

“You didn’t see the look on her face last night. Resignation. She’s been waiting for this to happen, for me to freak out and ruin everything. She actually said to me last night that she knows me better than I think.”

“Hey, that doesn’t mean⁠—”

“Yes, it does.” I ran my hand across my face, trying to ignore the way my hand shook. “Ever since— when I freaked out about the pregnancy… I guess I always knew that she’d never truly trust me. I mean, I can’t blame her. I was such an ass, and she was on her own for months. It’s only natural that she’d think I would do it again.”

“Yeah, but you haven’t.”

I thought back to the news she shared with me, and the lack of excitement I showed.