Page 27 of The Scrooge Effect

“Listen, I spend a lot of time on this lawn. I don’t need you stomping across with your big feet and ruining everything.”

He cupped his hand in the air, looking up at the sky. “Think we might have an early snowfall this year?”

It was certainly looking like it, but I wasn’t rooting for snow. “Let’s hope not.”

“Just think of the atmosphere,” he said, slinging his arm across my shoulder. “You and the missus cozied up in front of the fire. The wind is howling, you have wine, and above all, the kids are at someone else’s house. Perfect setting, am I right?”

Scowling, I shook my head. “Harper’s pregnant. There will be no wine.”

“Hey! That’s fantastic! Why didn’t you say anything?”

I got back to work, putting the gigantic Santa stakes into the ground, then tying them down. “Because…I don’t know.”

“Oh, shit,” he whispered. “You’re not having doubts again, are you?”

“What? Of course not.”

“Because I can’t go through that again. You need to pull your head out of your ass right this minute!”

“My head is firmly out of my ass. Okay? I have no problems with having a third kid.”

“Really? Because I gotta tell ya, this is not the face of a happy man.”

Sighing, I tossed down the hammer and took a seat on the five-gallon bucket holding my tools. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s great. Trust me, I remember what it was like when I freaked out the first time, and I definitely don’t want to go through that again.”

“Good, because I don’t think Rae would tell you where she hid your family a second time. And believe me, Rae holds a grudge. She’d put them in Siberia or somewhere where you’d never think to look.”

“Honestly, I am happy. I just…there’s all this shit with my dad and⁠—”

“Whoa, you didn’t say anything about your dad. I thought he died.”

“He did, but he left me the house and everything in it.”

Brock rocked back on his heels, letting out a low whistle.

“It’s just bad timing. I already hate this time of year, and now this shit happened, and Harper’s pregnant… It’s a lot to take.”

“Does she know?”

“Yeah.” I snorted in derision. “I tried to make it better. I took her and the kids to see Santa, and that blew up in my face.”

“I heard about it. Not sure I’ve ever heard of a grown adult being kicked out of a mall at Christmas.”

“Well, you’re looking at the one and only man.”

“Don’t be silly. I’m sure someone else lost his shit on Santa.”

“That’s the thing. We didn’t even see Santa. I just couldn’t stand being in that line. It was driving me fucking crazy.”

“Look, what you need is a way to escape Christmas without escaping Christmas.”

“Oh, is that all I need?” I asked sarcastically.

“Come on. We’re two smart guys. I’m sure we can think of something. Let’s see…Well, you have that job coming up. You could always get yourself shot. That’s a good way to escape the holidays.”

“Right, because I want my family to dread every holiday for fear that I might get shot again.”

“Hey, it was just a suggestion.”