Page 26 of The Scrooge Effect

“Like I need help?”

“You do; otherwise, you would have already done it. Now, I’m not saying I’m perfect. We both know I’m not. But you have a sister who believes in Santa, and you’re ruining it for her. And who knows what Gracie thinks.”

“They’ll be fine. Not everyone decorates the house for Christmas. Look at Jewish people!”

“They celebrate Hanukkah.”

“Well…maybe I’ll become Jewish.”

“You’re going to change religions to avoid Santa?”

“It’s not that big of a deal. I don’t even go to church. It’s not like I’ll be missing out on anything.”

“Edu, you’re getting a little weird about this. It’s just a few decorations.”

“It’s the whole fucking thing!” I exploded. “It’s the Christmas cheer and the laughter and the pretending that everything’s fine!”

“And…you don’t like laughter?” he asked uneasily.

“You know that’s not what it’s about.”

Walking over, he clapped me on the shoulder. “Edu, I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, but you’re a Scrooge.”

“I am not,” I retorted.

“You hate Christmas. You’re mean to anyone who smiles at you at Christmas. Hell, you smashed a cookie the other day because it was the shape of a Christmas tree.”

“It was pointy,” I snarled.

“Yeah, you were going to be taken out by a cookie.”

“You never know. It could happen. Those things are dangerous. Put them in Fox’s hands, and suddenly, you’ve got throwing stars.”

“Yes, edible throwing stars that break apart on impact. Sounds really dangerous. Look, the point is that I’m not going to listen to another phone call from Harper about your attitude. Fix it, or you can find yourself somewhere else to go.”

My jaw dropped in shock. “You’re going to fire me if I don’t enjoy Christmas?”

“Hell no. I just didn’t have anything else to threaten you with. I thought it would sound tough.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “So, you’re not going to fire me.”

“Nope.”

“So, I don’t have to do all that shit.”

“Oh, you definitely have to do that shit,” he laughed. “Yeah, I don’t do well with crying women, and if you make your wife cry again, I will give you the worst jobs we get for the rest of your life. Or until she kills you. And when she does, I’ll help her get rid of your body. And so will everyone else around here. It’ll be like you just walked away one day. And the police will believe us, because we’ll tell them how you lost it over Christmas decorations and walked out. I even have a plan in place with video footage I’ve asked Rae to put together. Don’t test me.”

I snarled at my boss, but snatched up the file and walked out of the office. It looked like I was going home to put up decorations.

5

EDU

“Hey, the house is looking good, man!” Brock said as he made his way across my yard, stomping through the grass.

“Keep your feet off my yard!” I snapped.

“Why? Worried I’m going to ruin your decorations?” he chuckled.