Page 19 of From the Shadows

This day has got to be almost over, right? Nothing else is going to send me into an emotional or physical crisis?

“That sound. It’s like a symphony,” Jess murmurs mostly under her breath. “I could revel in its warm embrace and lose myself in its desperation.”

I pause with a second little carrot and spice sandwich cookie-cake-thing just shy of my mouth. The only thing I want more than to shove the confection in my mouth is to know what has her spewing prose like she’s the next great novelist, but she rubs up against me, and all rational thought leaves the building.

My free hand goes around her waist, and I pull her close, holding her still. Because if she keeps moving, I’m going to blow my load. In my pants. With my daughter across the room. I am not down with that under any circumstances.

“Stop.”

She doesn’t.

So I pop the whoopie pie in my mouth and grab her by the hips, hoisting her up on to the top of the island. Her knees bracket me, but I slide her back a touch more, giving myself enough space to breathe.

“Christ, Jessaline, you have got to stop that shit,” I say around the delicious morsel in my mouth.

I glance over her head to check on Evie’s whereabouts. Safe and curled into the corner of the sofa, the little bunny pillow from this morning tucked under her arm. Good. The woman perched in front of me, though, is a different story entirely.

“Whoa, wait. Did you just full-name me?” The sex-kitten has taken her leave, and I’m left with claws that are threatening to come out.

“I did. And it got your attention.” I step back and adjust my dick, not even trying to be subtle about it. “No sex with others in the room.”

She follows my line of sight and has the good sense to look embarrassed, though the pink blush painting her creamy skin is having an entirely dirty effect on me. “Shit. That was an oversight. I am so sorry. Won’t happen again.”

I want to tell her no shit, it won’t but instead I shove my hair back from my face and heave out a sigh. This has been a fucking day.

“God, why do I love that so much?” Jess whispers.

“I wish I knew.” I lift my chin toward the other room where Evie has obviously put herself to sleep. “How was your unexpected day? Was she okay for you?”

“Honestly, she was great. I had a blast, and any time you’re in a bind or have a need…”

Have a need? She’s killing me here. I have all the fucking needs, and none of the capacity to fulfill them. So I’ll continue to fuck my hand and only my hand, maybe until the end of time, because as much as my daughter is the light of my life, I don’t think I can do this again. I can’t risk another pregnancy, another dependent, another life I’m responsible for.

Another point of vulnerability.

“Hopefully, it won’t come to that,” I mumble, mostly to myself, but obviously it was loud enough to hit its mark.

The movement is slight, the way she withdraws is subtle, but the warm light in Jess’s eyes dims.

I want to kick myself in the balls for causing that. What the fuck is wrong with me? In a sad attempt to smooth shit over, I make the excuse, “I mean, this is what I pay the nanny for. And it wouldn’t kill Evie’s mother to step up once in while instead of taking off with whoever she’s chasing at any given moment.”

“Wow.” Jess crosses her arms over her chest and leans back against the cabinet. “Tell me how you really feel.”

Since I already let my mouth go with unacceptable free rein, I don’t bother hiding anything. Just for the moment.

“Frustrated as shit.”

“No doubt.” Her head tilts to the side. She’s not simply looking at me but looking into me. Deep inside, trying to figure me out. To understand me. “What’s going on?”

“Jesus, a lot.” I don’t need to be complaining to Jess. I know better than to divulge much of anything to anyone but with the reality of what was thrown at me today at the estate, on top of the utter mess of my personal life, I’m a weaker man than I’d like to admit.

“Tell me one thing, something small. Just to get it off your chest and allow you to breathe a little bit,” she says.

The soft rasp of her voice twines around me, making me want to melt into a puddle and lose myself in her. Give her everything I have, everything that’s weighing me down. Maybe I just want to give her literally the whole shebang. Nope. Wrong word. All that does is make me think about banging Jess. And that’s not helpful at all.

“I don’t even know what to share. Aside from Amie taking off with absolutely no warning and the nanny’s emergency, the steaming pile of shit Christophe threw at us today that’s just… I don’t even know, but it’s not good. Honestly, it’s decidedly bad, but again, I don’t know what I can actually tell you.”

“Oh, the privilege,” she coos.