Page 115 of Stormhold

I caught her reflection on my scope. She was glowing in the moonlight like an ethereal princess.

I turned to meet those wide brown eyes in the darkness, and my breath caught for some reason.

Bellerose Esteal was a beautiful creature.

Only she didn’t know she was the queen in my game.

THE WHITE HAND

Some were made crazy, while others were born crazy. For me, it was more the latter.

My first memory was like a shadow that clung to my skin permanently. It was my mother looking at me like I was her whole world, telling me she loved me.

At that moment, all I could think was, Why were her eyes shining like that?

How would it feel to not have them shine at all?

And every time she said she loved me, her eyes only shone brighter.

I didn’t understand why, but I wanted to reach out and wipe that look away from her eyes. Not just her, but from everyone around me.

Why were they all looking at me like that?

Why were they proudly declaring that they loved me?

My mother once said she loved my father the most. That was a lie because she told me the same thing. How was that possible? How can you love two people at once? The most?

So it was all a lie from the beginning, right?

It made me wonder if their lies had an end.

Every time I stared at the mirror, instead of eyes, I saw two ghoulish, gaping holes, the darkness swirling in their sockets, and I felt nothing.

Nothing about the feelings they spoke about… no, lied about. Instead, all I felt was the empty hole inside my body.

It made me question the point of my existence.

The point of all our existence.

When I didn’t tell my mother I loved her back, she questioned my sanity. She said all sons were supposed to love their mothers. She promised she would show me love until I said it back.

How was that possible when I didn’t feel anything at all?

The shadows told me that she wouldn’t let it go. They told me to pretend, to play the part. I didn’t know what that meant, but soon, it revealed itself to me like a character you would see on TV. And that I should act like them to get her off me.

So I studied, fake a smile, pretended to say sweet words I didn’t mean, and soon, it became easy. I played it like a game, choosing to play a different character for each person in my life.

But no one saw the real me. How deep down the shadows spoke to me, telling me how special I was and that I had a purpose. And how everything around me was evil, and it was my mission to clean it.

I didn’t see it at first, but it soon became clear to me.

It started when they called us important people, but what was so important about us? We were just flesh and bone, and we were all going to fucking die anyway.

Fuck! I shouldn’t say fuck. No. No. No. It was bad. Bad word.

I hated the people around me. They were all hypocrites. Liars. They didn’t deserve love. They didn’t deserve power, yet they gloated in it, convinced they were above all.

Think. I needed to think. This wasn’t good. Or was it? Maybe it was. The tremors didn’t matter anymore. The voice didn’t matter anymore. I didn’t need to listen to what it said. I just needed to think of something. Something fast.