Page 26 of Flames

I shake my head. “No.” I wrap my fingers around his. “You’ve got enough feelings of your own to deal with. You don’t need mine too.”

I’m about to ask him about the biting—to ask why he was tempted to do it and why he didn’t go through with it—when Luther claps his hands and says, “Okay. We’re done. Let’s roll out, everyone.”

18

KOLE

Leaving the cabin is necessary. We all know it and yet there is a resounding silence when we reach the bottom of the steps and look back. Rev and Sarah wave to us from the veranda. Rev’s arm is in a sling but, thanks to Tanner’s nursing, she’s regained some of the color in her cheeks. She and Sarah have agreed to wait here overnight, then return to town in the morning.

“Did you ever explain to the hospital why you went AWOL?” I ask Tanner as we turn away and begin our slow walk through the forest.

Tanner makes a face. “No,” he says, shrugging. “I guess I didn’t. Just kinda stopped turning up.” He adjusts the straps of his backpack and wriggles his shoulders beneath them. “They probably assumed I wasn’t coming back when they saw us on TV.”

“Right.” I’m trying to lighten the atmosphere, but ever since I let Sam walk away from the cabin, there has been something separating me from the others. They know I couldn’t betray what I’d seen, but that doesn’t mean they’re okay with it. Tanner might have forgiven me if I’d told him I was on board with his plan to find out if Sam’s still out there somewhere, but I can’t go along with it just to get him to trust me again.

It’s a bad idea. Despite knowing what I do, I can’t condone Tanner putting himself at risk like that.

I glance over my shoulder. Nova is walking next to Mack, her arm in his like they’re going for a sunny afternoon picnic by the lake.

Too many times in the past few days I’ve felt like I was going to lose her. After the vision my mother showed us, it’s a familiar feeling. The way our ancestors felt when Ava died lives inside us. It has been carried through our bloodlines for generations. It fizzes in our muscles and taints our thoughts. Nova is drawn to us because the part of her that descended from Ava remembers the parts of us that used to love her.

Knowing all of this allowed me to finally understand why we were fated to love her, but it did not help me see how we can prevent what has been set in motion.

That I have already seen. In the woods, as we approached the commune, it hit me like a freight train, ripping through the tracks of my body. I saw it all. I saw what would happen to Sam, but I also saw what happens next—to the rest of us.

“I don’t want to carry this,” I told my mother when I went to say goodbye to her. “I cannot keep it from them. I cannot keep it from her.”

My mother simply smiled at me and pulled me into her warm embrace. “You will do what you have to, my son.” She stepped back and cupped my face in hers. “I believe in you, and you have to believe that you are on the right path. You have to believe it will all be okay in the end.” Then, sweeping my long hair from my shoulders, she stood on the tips of her toes and kissed my forehead the way she did when I was a boy. “I’m glad you kept your hair long,” was the last thing she said to me before I left.

Now, as we march deeper into the forest, the weight of what I know presses heavily on my shoulders. My muscles are throbbing. It has been too long since I kissed Nova or held her close. Too long since she looked at me with love brimming in her un-matching eyes. Too long since I felt the release of exploding inside her, knowing she needs me the way I need her.

I lick my teeth. My canines are slightly more pointed than they should be. Some FHB addicts have theirs filed into fangs. Others have prosthetics fitted. I went halfway and had mine shaped. My bites aren’t as clean as a vamp’s but they’re cleaner than they would be without the shaping.

As my thoughts turn to Nova’s neck, I screw my eyes shut and try to focus.

I know what’s coming, and I should feel soothed by that knowledge. But I don’t know what happens between now and then, or how long the between even is. And despite my faith, I don’t know how to do what I am expected to do.

“Kole?” Luther’s hand arrives on my shoulder. “You okay?”

I nod at him and walk a little faster.

“She’ll forgive you eventually.” He meets my eyes. “She has to, right? You’re bonded. She can’t break the bond.”

I press my lips together in a tight line and consider the question. “No, she can’t break it,” I reply. “But she can stretch it so far it sends me over the edge.”

Blinking at the darkness in my tone, Luther whispers, “Are you close to going over?”

I flex my fingers at my sides. “Maybe,” I tell him. “Luckily, the falls don’t offer great access to dealers.”

“You have any with you?” Luther asks. He’s talking about FHB, asking if I keep a vial on my person for emergencies. I remember the small glass bottle I keep in my desk, the one I was foolish—or smart—enough to leave behind.

“No,” I tell him. “But you should watch me with Nova. I don’t trust myself when I’m like this. She’s not as human as she was, but if she cuts herself or…” I trail off. I thought I was past this. I thought the days of me losing control with her were over.

“You won’t hurt her,” Luther replies in a matter-of-fact tone. “All this time, you’ve never hurt her. Even when you drink from her.”

“Don’t,” I snap, turning my gaze to him. “Don’t talk about it.”

Luther raises his palms. “Alright,” he says. “But we’re gonna talk about what Tanner suggested this morning, right? ‘Cause that shit needs to be talked about.”