Page 87 of The Duchess Audition

“I will not tell you the details, not until you are older, but yes,” Anthony replied. “Yes, I saved you. Of course I saved you. It would have destroyed me if I had lost you, even if I have not been the best father since then. But the thing is… people make mistakes, even though they love us. Your mother made some terrible mistakes, and so did I.”

People make mistakes, even though they love us. His own words clanged in his head, conjuring a vision of Marina on the day they parted ways. How hurt she had seemed by his response, how urgently she had tried to tell him that she only wanted to leave for a short while.

A tear slipped from the boy’s eye. “You… love me?”

“With all my heart, my boy,” Anthony urged, gripping him so tightly that he feared he might hurt him. “And I am sorry, so very sorry, that I have made you feel otherwise. I will never, ever do that again. But even if I get things wrong, from now on, I need you to know that I love you and that I am trying my best.”

All of a sudden, William threw his arms around his father’s neck, hugging him with such ferocity that it almost knocked the wind out of Anthony. In all of the boy’s eight years on this earth, Anthony could not remember ever hugging him… and it saddened him to realize it.

Without hesitation, Anthony hugged the boy in return, holding him tightly, gently stroking his son’s fluffy hair.

“I am sorry that I have been an awful father,” he whispered. “Can you ever forgive me?”

William squeezed him tighter. “I can… but maybe not until you get Marina to return.” His voice cracked. “I don’t want us to lose her, Papa.”

I do not want us to lose her either, Anthony wanted to say, but he could not get the words to come. There were too many unknowns and uncertainties to make a promise that he would try to get her to come back.

“She didn’t fail at being my mother,” the boy added, sniffling. “She can take care of me. I trust her. You should too.”

Anthony sighed and pulled back, offering his son an apologetic look. “It is more complicated than that, William.”

“Because of her uncle?” The boy nodded. “She’ll be very sad if he dies. I know she’s worked so hard to save him, and I know she has to be his doctor instead of my mother right now, but I just miss her a lot. But you shouldn’t annul the marriage because her uncle is sick. That’s not fair at all. She can’t help that she has to be there for him instead of us.”

A thought prickled at the back of Anthony’s mind, his head tilting as the weight of it caused him to wonder.

“She told you her uncle was unwell?”

Well, of course she did, Anthony told himself sternly. She was not going to tell the child that she was, in fact, fraternizing with another gentleman.

William shrugged. “She said it when she left. She said she was very worried about him, and that was why she had to be away for a while. Not just now but before.”

“Before?”

The boy gestured vaguely. “When she was busy in her library all the time and went off in the carriage without telling anyone.” He lowered his voice. “I know what was in those boxes she brought back. I peeked.”

“What was it?” Anthony asked, his thoughts running wild.

“Well… actually, I’m not sure, but it smelled terrible.”

What? The headache that Anthony had tried to fend off crept in with a dull throb, his brain hurting as confusion ricocheted back and forth.

Why on earth would she try to hide something that smelled terrible in garment boxes? Why had she been so secretive? It could not have been a gift from the man Anthony had seen her with, unless he knew her well enough to buy her herbs instead of clothes and trinkets.

Still, something was not adding up.

“Can we go and see her and her uncle?” William asked hopefully. “She said I could visit whenever I pleased, especially if you did not allow her to return. But maybe we can go, and you can tell her that you trust her now, and then she’ll know she can come back to us when her uncle is better.”

Anthony glanced up at the sky, noting a faint patch of blue amidst the gray, swollen clouds. Not a sign, but a question, for how could he begin proceedings for an annulment without speaking to his wife first? He needed to have no doubts whatsoever if he was going to do such a thing and, right now, there was a nagging doubt in his mind.

Was I wrong, somehow?

He thought of the note, the words still a stab to the heart.

But there was an easier way to figure out if his wife was with a lover, or if she was telling the truth about her uncle. All he had needed was his son to point it out.

“We shall leave this afternoon,” he said. “Until then, how do you feel about learning to ride that pony?”

William grinned from ear to ear, but Anthony could not tell if it was because of the horse or the fact that he would soon be reunited with Marina.