Page 39 of To Honor

He pulled back from her. “I am.”

She needed to sit, but there was nowhere to go. Instead, Eamon took her into his arms again, almost holding her upright. Bursting into tears once again, her entire life floated through her mind. All a lie.

She wanted to push him away and pull him close all at once. Her father’s coldness. Eamon’s fondness for her. Finally, for the first time in her life, it made sense. When she had no more tears left, Evelina took the handkerchief Eamon offered and wiped her eyes with it.

“Tell me,” she managed, standing upright on her own.

“She was as extraordinary as you. Intelligent. Kind.”

“Was?”

“Or is, I know not.”

Her shoulders sagged. For a moment Evelina had thought perhaps he knew if she was alive.

“We fell in love,” he said. “And I am not proud of the fact that we were together, as she was very much married to your father. When she realized she was with child, and that it could only have been mine, your mother was terrified.”

“I have so many questions. How did you think to be together but prevent a child? How did she know ’twas yours?”

“I will answer every question you have, Evie. But first I would explain your mother’s disappearance as best as I’m able. You father was, of course, extremely angry, but there was a part of him, I believe, that was also pleased. You see, they had been trying for many years by then to have a child and were not able. He claimed you as his own.”

“And you let him? How could you allow him to do such a thing?”

“It was either have you raised the daughter of a wealthy baron, respected and due to inherit title and lands I did not have, or be the bastard daughter of a disgraced baroness. I made the best decision for you, or so I believed.”

“Where did she go?”

Eamon shook his head. “I do not know, Evie. Your father did not make her life easy. He never forgave her for the transgression and was unkind to her, though never to you.”

“I would not call Father . . .” She paused. Except, he was not her father. “I would not call him kind.”

“Perhaps not, but he did not harm you in any way. Was not openly hostile to you as he was to your mother. I begged her by then to leave with me, hating the way he treated her. Then one day, she was simply gone. I spent many years attempting to find her, to no avail.”

Evelina did not know what to think. “Do you believe she is alive?”

Eamon sighed heavily. “A question I’ve asked myself many, many times. ’Tis the truth, Evie, I simply do not know. She said often that he hated her but not you. She did, I am certain, what she thought was best for you, removing herself from your father’s presence. Oddly, it worked, as he did soften through the years.”

“If the man I know is soft, I’d not like to know him when he was hard.”

“No, Evie, you would not.”

“All this time.” She could hardly comprehend it. “This is why you were always so kind to me. Why I would see you everywhere.” Evelina thought of the many times Eamon had appeared in her life.

“By then, the campaign for the empress had begun, Castle Blackwood being the first meeting place of what was to become the Guardians of the Sacred Oak.”

“Empress Matilda, the oak.”

“An oak. Symbolic of strength and wisdom. Of nobility and abundance. A title I myself created thinking of you. Evie, you are all of those things and more. I could not possibly be prouder of who you have become. And I am sorry I did not tell you sooner.”

If it were possible to be extremely angry at someone while also loving them, that’s precisely how she felt about Eamon at that very moment.

“I am sorry you did not tell me sooner too.”

“Your father forbade it. Said he would disinherit you if I ever divulged the truth.”

“So why do you tell me now?”

And then it hit her.