Page 36 of The Earl

Chapter 16

He knew what she was asking.

And if Cait had not stopped writing, the answer would be an easy one. Indeed, if he’d had his choice, he would have married Cait long ago. He’d told this woman things he’d told none other, including his Broken Blade brothers.

He should have gone to her, gone to Bradon Moor. Conrad realized that now, but he’d been too stubborn, too proud, to make the journey without knowing why she’d stopped writing.

Let me love you, Conrad.

He wanted nothing more in this world than to do just that. They still had much to discuss, to overcome. But he could see the resolve in her expression.

Cait would not turn back, no matter how loud his protestations, unless he let her go. And he would be damned if he’d do that.

“Your brother will kill me,” he said once again, and meant it. Although Terric had brought Roysa with him, he’d done so reluctantly, and Conrad and Cait weren’t married.

She smiled, understanding what this meant. “When I tell you of his courtship with Roysa, you’ll feel much reassured.”

“You will not come inside the city.” On this, he would stand firm. “If we need to take it by force—”

“I understand.”

He wasn’t sure that she did.

“Cait . . .”

Conrad couldn’t find the words. He’d never struggled to do so before. Not with his men, his household, or even with her for those many years they had corresponded. But this version of Cait, so achingly familiar yet not, silenced him as if he were a green boy.

She reached up and cupped his face. The gesture was so simple, so powerful, and it struck Conrad that no one had touched him in such a way—comforting, loving—since his mother had died. His relations with Lady Threston and others like her had been purely sensual in nature.

“I do not want to go back to Bradon Moor. I do not want to marry Colin MacGregor. It took me many years to find the courage to come here, to tell you this. I want you and none other. And I will spend every day of this journey apologizing for the hurt I caused you—and us—by not saying as much sooner. Terric will understand. I will make him understand.”

Satisfied, more than satisfied, Conrad placed his hands over hers.

“We are in the midst of a rebellion.”

Cait blinked. “I know it well.”

Of course she did. Cait had been at Dromsley during the attack. The thought of how close she’d come to danger . . .

“You asked me to let you love me,” he said, the words coming more easily now. The love in her eyes, her confidence in him, emboldened him to take a stand. “If I agree, you must allow me to do the same.”

It seemed such a simple thing, to allow another person to give you love. But if Cait’s hesitation were any indication, she understood the true meaning of his question.

She’d spent so many years hiding, from others, from herself, and berating herself for something that wasn’t her fault. For something that couldn’t be changed. Could she truly allow him back inside? Conrad had seen the way she interacted with the others. Knew, even back then, how difficult it was for her to share herself.

Conrad could not completely understand her reticence, but he would try to be patient with her. Would rely on the knowledge that she’d opened herself to him before, in the form of a letter.

“I will try,” she said finally.

Conrad supposed that was good enough, for now.

“Welcome to Lennox, my lord.”

The countess looked at Cait, likely attempting to ascertain her rank and role. She and Conrad had discussed their plan earlier, knowing they’d be met with this same question at each castle or manor they visited on the way to London.

It was unheard of for an unmarried woman to travel alone with all men. No chaperone. No reason to be present among so many knights and soldiers. Some would call her a camp follower, a prostitute, for that alone.

Conrad bowed like a man who had learned to do so in the cradle.