Page 100 of Leaning In

“I hope so.” I pull on my trainers. “And if he doesn’t I’m going to hear it from him.” I check my watch: 8:30 a.m. “He does parkrun every Saturday, I know where he’ll be.”

“You’re going to ambush him at a fun run?” Sophia looks sceptical.

“It’s a community event.” I grab my keys, and my hand pauses on the fob in the bowl, the key to Tom’s flat, the one on the Fulham key ring. I grab it too.

I rush to the park, but he isn’t here. I scan faces, I even wait for the event to start, but there’s no sign of Tom. Fuck. Now I’m worried. He never misses parkrun. Something must have happened.

Or he’s avoiding you, my brain tells me.

No. Tom isn’t an avoider.

I decide to go to his flat next. My hands shake as I pull out his key on its Fulham key ring. But when I push the door open none of the lights are on.

“Tom?” I call, still hoping.

Nothing.

I will myself not to cry as I quickly walk down the hall into the kitchen, confirming what I suspected—that he’s not here.

I lock the door behind me when I leave and try to work out where else he could possibly be. His sister’s? James’s house? Where even is that?

And then from the opposite end of the street I spot a head of dark brown hair.

Relief floods through me. My shoulders transition from somewhere up around my ears to where they’re anatomically meant to be, as panic leaches from my body.

Bizarrely the first thing I say is “You missed parkrun, you never miss parkrun.”

“I know.” Tom stops a foot away, out of breath. “I went to your flat. You weren’t there, and I stood on your doorstep like an idiot trying to think where you’d go, before realising that you’d probably come to mine.”

He reaches for me then pauses. “I’m so sorry, Claire, I went for a run and then my phone died. I fell asleep waiting for it to charge and woke up about thirty minutes ago to a bunch of missed calls.”

“Can we go inside?” I ask. “I know you didn’t mean to but I was awake until four, and I worry that I might start crying on the pavement.”

Tom’s expression crumples and he gives me a quick hug before we make our way inside. I sit at the kitchen table as he makes us both a cup of tea and Croissant drapes himself over my feet.

Tom puts the mugs down, but doesn’t pick up his own. Instead he clasps my hand.

“Before I say anything else, nothing is wrong. Not with us. But I have to tell you something strange.”

“You’re making me worried.” Chaotic feelings continue to tumble through me, only partially relieved by the physical presence of Tom.

“Sorry,” he grimaces. “Ok, so your mum was at the presentation last night.”

“What?” The kitchen suddenly feels very quiet. I shake my head, sleep-deprived brain trying to catch up. “My mum was at the board meeting?”

Tom nods. “Yeah. She was introduced as one of the new members, and she sat through my proposal.” He looks away for a moment before meeting my eyes again. “She said something that alluded to the fact that you might’ve known she was on the board and I was thrown. I went for a run afterwards just to try to sort it all in my head. I’m an idiot, I know you would’ve told me.”

When I process what he’s said, it lands like a punch. “You thought I knew?” My voice cracks. How could he have thought I knew? That stings.

I try to force myself to think it through. Given our history it makes sense that he thought I’d avoid telling him something. But despite my reasoning the hurt lingers. “I thought I’d shown you how much I’ve changed, and then one comment from my mother…” I take a shuddering breath.

He shakes his head. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Well… I wasn’t really thinking, that was the issue. I just saw your mum and panicked. I’m so sorry, Claire, it was stupid of me.”

The sting abates slightly.

“Oh my god.” My mind flicks back to weeks ago, and the pieces start to slot together. “She mentioned ages ago that she’d joined a new board, something to do with education. She even had a garden party. But I never asked. I should’ve asked. I’m sure it was Ashcroft.” The words feel like swallowing gravel.

Tom looks shocked. “It’s alright. How could you have known?”