Page 111 of Until The Lights Go Out

“Nope.” He shook his head. I pulled uselessly at his sweatpants until he tugged them off the rest of the way. Soon, his underwear followed, and he was glancing down at me with a rather smug smile.

“God, you are annoying.” I rolled my eyes and kissed him. He kissed me back harder, easing between me before driving into me and making me gasp. Theo groaned in my ear, and I thought about how damn sexy it was to hear a man groan. Or maybe it was just Theo and I was absolutely obsessed. My world narrowed as he gripped my hips and rolled his hips into me. I could feel everything, and some deprived part of me loved having every part of him without anything between us. I arched into him as he leaned down and kissed me between thrusts.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good,” he forced out. I let my hand snake up his neck and across his cheek before dipping into his hair and tugging, getting another groan out of him. I could only answer with another whimper, absolutely overtaken by the feeling of it all. My head tilted back on the mattress. He leaned in, sucking on the pulse point on my throat. The sound of our bodies meeting filled the room, my hand still tangled in his hair, keeping him close as he thrusted into me. A small mirror in the corner of the room caught my attention. I turned my head to watch as Theo took what he needed and gave me what I wanted. I couldn’t look away, wanted to burn the moment into my memory. He slammed into me harder and faster until I had to screw my eyes closed as he chased the sounds of my cries. I could feel the moment he lost control. His breathing became raw and jolted. It sent me right over the edge with him.

“F-fuck Theo, I’m going to come!” I cried out.

“Yes, baby, that’s it. Show me how fucking gorgeous you are when I come inside you.”

My whole body arched as I shattered around him. He slowed, letting me ride out the last pieces of my orgasm before he pulled out with a kiss to my temple and let himself fall back on the mattress next to me, breathless.

“You’ve been working a lot more lately,” he mentioned as we lay in bed hours later, limbs tangled with each other, the dull sparkle of the city and the moon outside our only light.

“Yeah, I tend to throw myself into things,” I admitted.

“When?” he prodded.

“What?” I asked, my heart getting anxious. I knew he was alluding to how I isolated myself when my depression got too big and heavy.

“You throw yourself into things when…” he prompted.

I sighed deeply. “When I need control over something.”

He took that in for a while before turning his head to face mine. “I get that. I think I do the same with driving. It’s the only thing I can control at times too.”

“Yeah…”

“Unfiltered thought?” he asked. The comment shocked me to my core. I couldn’t believe he remembered I used to ask that. But of course he did. Theo remembered everything.

“I wasn’t officially diagnosed with depression till after the accident. By then, it was pretty high-functioning, and the whole post-traumatic stress of the actual crash and the physical recovery was so big that depression sort of hid in the shadows. Everything comes in waves I guess. Depression will always just be a part of me. I just hate that I feel like it defines me sometimes. Like ‘Oh, there’s the sad girl who had a life-changing car crash.’ I have good days and bad. More good now.”

“More bad then?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I sighed, letting the silence fill the room.

“You know something, Red?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Every single part of you. Good days and bad days. But you are so much more than your depression. It is a part of you, sure. But you are not your depression. All those years apart, when I thought of you, it was sunlight and picnics and midnight confessions and smudged ink on crumpled papers shoved into smelly racing bags.”

“Your bag was smelly, not mine. Mine smelled like⁠—”

“Strawberries,” he cut me off.

“You remember everything, huh?” I asked, eyes brimming with tears.

“Yeah, but most of all how amazing you are, how strong and resilient and wonderful you are to everyone around you.”

“Alright, alright now you’re just overdoing it.” I tried to laugh it off.

“I am dead serious, Maise.” He reached over, a thumb brushing my cheek. “I am amazed by every part of you. I can’t believe you gave me another chance, let alone spoke to me after I left you. I’ll be trying to make up for it every day of my damn life, Red.”

“Oh, Theo,” I sighed into him, curling closer into his side, feeling the tiredness of the day take over. I had been overdoing it, drowning myself a bit into work. Maybe because I was scared of all this, of this huge thing growing between us behind closed doors. “You have nothing to make up for though, Theo. You are not your past. You are not your father. You are the most caring and loving person I know. You just don’t share that side with the whole world.”

“Guess you bring out the soft gooey side of me,” he laughed, poking my side and making me descend into a fit of giggles.

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