Page 115 of Homewrecker

My throat burned. “But eventually I realized I would be bringing a child into something that was already fucked up. I couldn’t do that.”

I rubbed my thumb along the glass. “I know women do it every day. Raise babies when the father isn’t there. Co-parent through shit and try to make it work.”

I shook my head. “But that wasn’t what I wanted.”

“And that’s okay,” he added.

“I wanted both parents.”

My eyes burned again. “Fully.”

I looked at him. “Not one parent doing everything and then spending the next eighteen years hating the other one for being exactly who they showed they were going to be from the beginning.”

Nash watched me.

“I couldn’t knowingly sign my child up for that.”

My voice broke. “So I terminated.”

The tear fell before I could catch it.

“For a long time, it hurt. I even questioned myself.” I laughed softly. “Some days I still do. But looking back?” I shook my head. “It was the best decision I could’ve made for myself.”

The words felt good.

“I thank God all the time for giving me the strength to make it. I’m not connected to that situation now. I don’t have a child in the middle of something I barely survived myself.”

Then the ugly part surfaced.

“But sometimes I wonder if that means I don’t deserve another chance.”

His brows pulled together. “That sounds stupid.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“It does.”

I shook my head. “I ended my first chance.”

“You didn’t end all your chances at motherhood.”

I looked at him. “I ended a pregnancy.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “You made a decision about one pregnancy, during one specific time in your life, under specific circumstances. That is not the same thing as deciding you never deserve to be a mother.”

My eyes filled. “Nash—”

“No.”

He leaned forward. “Listen to me. Making that decision doesn’t make you selfish.”

My lips trembled.

“It doesn’t make you cold and it doesn’t mean you owe the rest of your life as punishment for it. People love being loud about what women should do when they’re pregnant.”

His jaw tightened. “Keep it. Have the baby. Make it work. Figure it out.”

He shook his head. “But when that baby gets here and you need help? Money? Childcare? Therapy? Someone to help carry some of the weight?”