Page 99 of Finding His Silver Fox Daddy

What the hell was Henry doing? He hated impact play. Why was he crossing his own boundaries like this? I jerked along with him as every hit fell, and I was concerned he might pass out if he kept going like this. He did not look alright.

I was a millisecond away from shouting “Red!” myself, but then Henry stopped swinging, and Carter’s cries quieted. The emcee stepped forward, and Henry set the crop down on the table as the crowd shouted, yelled, and cheered.

But my eyes were fixed on my Daddy. He was pale and looked like he might be sick. I scooted along the booth’s round seat toward the side of the table that Ethan had recently vacated for the bathroom and stood.

“Where’s the fire?”

I glanced at Nate over my shoulder, opening my mouth to tell him that Henry needed me. But of course, none of our friends knew Henry was my Daddy, and it would be totally suspicious for me to go running after him.

My eyes flickered back to the stage, and I saw a couple of bar employees clearing the space while the emcee took the mic again, stating that the next demonstration would begin in twenty minutes. Henry and Carter had already disappeared, I assumed through the door on the far side that Henry had told me a few weeks back led to the aftercare room.

The music kicked in, the crowd cheered as the dance floor filled, and my hands clenched into fists at my sides. On nights like this, I’d usually be heading home by now, but I was staying tonight if Henry needed me. As long as he needed me.

Instead of answering Nate’s question, I just shouted a quick reply over the loud music. “Don’t wait for me!” Then I took off.

Chapter thirty-five

Henry

Once again, I stared into the lighted mirror in the aftercare room after my scene with Carter. Once again, Carter was cuddled up on the couch in a multitude of blankets after I’d tended to his needs. Once again, I felt sick, but this time, my face was pale and my stomach was rolling at what I’d just done. He’d wanted it, asked for it directly, but still, I was not okay.

I was a total goddamn fucking wreck.

This was so much worse than our scene back in October. I’d held it together then to give Carter what he needed, and I’d thought I could do it again.

I was so wrong.

I couldn’t fight the tears completely this time, and they welled in the corners of my eyes even as I fisted the countertop, gritting my teeth against them. I knew scening like this wasn’t good for me, and yet, I kept going back. Kept agreeing. Why? Carter would understand, though he may be a little disappointed. Was I so worried about not disappointing someone that I pushed my own needs away?

At the thought, I collapsed into a folding chair behind me, the fight draining out of me in an instant. This was what I always did, the issue I’d had with Carl—even with my ex-wife—my entire life. I hated making anyone angry or upset or even disappointed, so I catered to their every whim. Even when they didn’t deserve it, like Carl.

Carter did deserve it; he was a sweetheart and should have all the good things. But he deserved to find a Daddy who would fit well with him, give the adorable sub everything he needed without that Daddy having to sacrifice his own needs or push past his boundaries.

My therapist, Shawn, had told me repeatedly that I didn’t have to give up all of myself to make someone else happy. As the needlepoint framed on the table in his office said: In all things, balance. Living a healthy life meant I couldn’t sacrifice my happiness for someone else’s—we had to meet in the middle. And if we couldn’t, our relationship needed to shift and change . . . or end.

The right person would want me to put myself first. The right person would be able to put themselves first, too. Even a relationship with the “right” person required some give and take, but both people had to take care of themselves first so they could be the best they could for each other.

Tristan was my right person.

The door to the aftercare room creaked open, letting the treble from the dance song in to join the thumping bass I could hear with the door closed. And as if I’d summoned him, Tristan’s angelic face appeared around the edge of the door. I saw him scan the room before his eyes lighted on me.

The instant he saw me, his eyes shot wide, and he rushed through the doorway, closing the door behind him quickly but softly. I was grateful he was respectful of Carter blissing out on the wide couch.

“Henry,” he breathed as he nearly ran to my side. His arm wrapped around my wide shoulders before he leaned down to kiss my bicep. “Daddy, are you okay?”

Though I was still sitting, I couldn’t even hold myself up, and I could barely respond. I managed to shake my head once before my face crumpled and the tears that had been threatening fell in torrents. Tris pushed between my open legs and held me to him, pulling my head to his stomach as sobs wracked my body. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I clung to him as I let it all go. His soothing voice whispered calming reassurances to me as he stroked the top of my head, comforting my broken pieces as my pain eased.

It felt like hours had passed once I’d cried myself out. Reluctantly pulling away from Tris, I grunted at a spasm in my back, and my sweet boy helped me sit up, guiding me against the back of my chair.

He crouched down in front of me, staring up into my waterlogged eyes. “How are you feeling now?”

I ventured a smile, albeit a small one. “A little better, thank you.”

Tris smiled back then dragged over a nearby chair. I saw Carter stand from the couch and start getting dressed out of my peripheral vision as Tristan set the chair next to me. Probably sensing Carter moving around behind us or spotting him in the wall-length mirror, Tristan just grabbed my hand and squeezed until Carter was dressed and ready to head out.

“You all good, Henry?” he called from halfway across the large room. I imagined he didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever Tris and I had going on. I wasn’t sure what that was exactly, but I was infinitely grateful my boy was here.

I sniffed then nodded. “Yes, I am now, thank you, Carter.” I squeezed my boy’s hand back. “Have you met Tris?”