Page 70 of Operation: Ogre

Chapter Thirty

Christopher

Iscrubbed a hand through my hair. I was having a bad day. I couldn’t even say why. I’d talked with my parents, but they hadn’t said anything even close to pressuring me. I’d talked with both Carter and Samantha, who were doing great. Jaxon and I were in a good place. He hadn’t brought up dating officially, even though everyone thought we were together.

Literally, nothing was wrong, but… I wasn’t okay.

I walked into my dorm room and instantly spotted Jaxon at his desk. Without talking, I headed over to him, straddled his lap, and rested my head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around me.

“Baby?”

I couldn’t respond. The weight on my shoulders was too much. Or maybe it was my chest. My lungs felt like they were grinding into my spine, not allowing even a single inhale. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and just breathed in his earthy scent, allowing it to relax me as much as it could.

Rubbing his cheek on the top of my head, he whispered, “I’ve got you.”

And he did.

Jaxon kept studying as I camped out on his lap, running a hand over my back. I stayed on his lap until he had to leave for a class, and only then did I slide off. He kissed me before he left and promised to come back soon. I moved to his bed to curl around his pillow.

This was ridiculous. There was nothing wrong. I didn’t get why I was upset right now or why I was having a bad day today. I rolled slightly to pull my phone out of my pocket, staring at it. I didn’t even know who to call or if I even wanted to talk to anyone. I pressed my face into Jaxon’s pillow. Why was I so damn afraid? He kept saying he wouldn’t leave and nothing would change. Why couldn’t I believe him?

Sighing, I pushed on Dan’s contact. He’d been texting me, just checking on me. I hadn’t responded.

“Hey, Chris,” Dan said. “What’s up, man?”

“I’m…” I swallowed. Why was it so fucking hard just to say I wasn’t doing well right now?

“Do you need me to come to you or call someone for you?”

A sob built in my chest. “Why is this so hard to talk about?”

“Because people, life, and ableism all make it hard.”

“I don’t even know what’s bothering me.”

“That can happen, Chris,” he said, his voice radiating kindness.

“Well, that fucking sucks.”

Dan burst into laughter. “It does. A lot.”

I sighed.

“Have you talked to someone?”

“Like a therapist?” I asked, closing my eyes and rubbing my temple.

“Yeah, or a doctor, or one of your siblings, or Jaxon.”

I shook my head, then realized he couldn’t see me. “No.”

“Chris, I’m happy to talk with you, but why haven’t you talked to Carter or Sam?”

“I don’t know.” That was a fucking lie. I did. I didn’t want to bother them. I didn’t want to have one more thing set me apart.

“I know how close you are to them, and how much they love you.”

“I know.”