Page 53 of Operation: Ogre

I took a huge inhale through my nose, then released it in one large gust through my mouth. “What the fuck was that?”

“Just a grounding technique to help you through a panic attack. You can always try box breaths if you prefer that. This works better for me.”

“Panic attack?” I asked, blinking. Was that what they were?

Dan frowned as he sat back down. “You didn’t know?”

I shook my head.

“Was that your first one?”

I shook my head again, gripping the edge of the table until my knuckles were bleached white.

“Can I ask you a question?” Dan asked.

“What?”

“Have you been feeling super overwhelmed lately?”

“Yeah.”

“Like a lot of pressure, dread, exhaustion, absolutely unable to take change?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

He grabbed my hand, but it didn’t feel sexual, more comforting than anything. “I have anxiety.”

“I don’t,” I retorted, but I wasn’t all that sure anymore.

“Are you sure about that? I’m not trying to diagnose you, but…” Dan squeezed my hand. “Have you thought about talking to someone about what you’re feeling?”

Dr. Lee and his offer popped into my thoughts, but I pushed it away. “No, because I’m fine.” I tugged my hand out of his. “I don’t need to talk to anyone.”

“Chris,” he started, but I stood.

“I need to go.”

I grabbed my bag and raced outside, only realizing later that I’d left my coffee behind, but I could hardly go back for it now. Nope. Definitely not. Unable to fathom what I was doing, I started to run. My feet pounded on the sidewalk. I didn’t know where I was going or why. It was like I could run away from whatever happened in Mummy Mocha, like I could outrun the pressing cloud over me.

Coming to a stop and breathing hard, I looked up and blinked. I was standing in front of the athletics building. I wasn’t even sure why I was here. I had no reason to be here. But something inside of me was so tired. Not even thinking about it, I went inside and walked until I stopped in front of the health center. Dr. Lee had said that I could come whenever I wanted. That I could talk to him.

I raised my hand to open the door, but I froze. Did I actually want to talk about it? Did I want to actually think about everything? I shook my head. No. I just needed to keep pushing the panic away. My fingers curled into a fist, then fell to my side. I didn’t need to bother anyone with this. Dan was wrong. I was fine. I just needed to ignore everything.

I gave the door one last look before slipping back outside.

I climbed onto the bus, asking Coach, “We’ll be back by the blood moon, right?”

Coach looked up from his clipboard. “Yes, for the thousandth time, Kim. Jesus, you’d think you were a shifter.”

While Jaxon didn’t think the blood moon was going to do anything to him, I wanted to be here for him just in case he needed me. I was already struggling enough with leaving him for this short amount of time without even bringing the blood moon into it.

“Sorry for being curious,” I quipped.

He just glared at me and pointed to the aisle.

With a frown, I went about halfway down the bus before picking a seat near a window. I rested my head on the side of the bus and sighed. My breath fogged the glass. I was worried about Jaxon. He had been watching me a lot lately. Nothing had changed between us, but he seemed even more careful with me, which I honestly liked. I liked being something precious to him.

My phone flashed, and I looked down. Dan. He’d texted me. Again. I had told him I was fine, multiple times. I didn’t know how to say it so he would finally understand. He just kept pestering me. The fucker was so annoying. I knew he was concerned and wanted to help, but I was fine. Sure, I’d researched anxiety and read all the blogs and watched all the videos he’d sent. Yes, it sounded like I had anxiety. Yes, it made sense. But it didn’t mean I had anxiety. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want one more thing that set me apart from my family.