Page 40 of Needed You

Chapter 22

Darian

My face still hurts, my ribs are bruised, and my knuckles are aching. And I’m tired. I just really don’t want to get up to start this week.

After I force myself out of bed, take a shower, and get some coffee, I settle in at my computer and check my email. It’s all the same. Emails with a few options for some small jobs, one from my dad telling me that he’s doing business from his office in the UK for a few weeks, and a bunch of junk. I file and delete what I can and reply to the ones that need my attention. Then I get started on the project I’m working on. It’s one of the small ones, but it’ll keep me busy for a while.

As I work, my mind keeps wandering, and I can’t stop myself from wondering what Lev is doing. I’m kind of annoyed with myself that I can’t seem to control it, and I know I have to be careful and not let this keep me from working. Easier said than done, though.

He’s probably at the shop right now, and he did say he wanted me to come over sometime. But I don’t know if that’s something I should do only when he gives me a more specific invite or if he meant it to be an open invitation. In fact, I don’t even know where we stand right now. Things are confusing.

When Ryan picked me up at Lev’s place the night after the bar fight, his reaction to my face was almost comical. I’d told him that I’d been in a fight and was at Lev’s, which was why I needed him to come get me, and he came without any hesitation. It wasn’t until later, when we were at his place wasting time and playing video games, that Ryan asked me what the heck was going on. He’s easy enough to talk to that he quickly pulled all of my conflicting thoughts out of me.

“So what happened?” Ryan asks. “And why do you look like your heart is waging war with your head?”

I sigh loudly. “I don’t know. Last night was so . . . it was just so . . . nice.”

Ryan chuckles. “Nice?” he repeats. “I assume you mean with Lev and not getting the shit kicked out of you.”

“First of all,” I say, holding up a finger, “I didn’t get the shit kicked out of me. I got into a fight, and I kicked some shit, too.” I smile at him, and he chuckles. “But with Lev? Yeah. He cleaned me up, Ryan. Like, he got all this shit together and made me sit in the chair and patched me up. He was so kind and caring. It was . . . nice.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow at me and gives me a smirk. “He likes you.”

“Ugh!” I growl. “I like him too.”

Ryan kicks his feet up and down. “So?”

“So what?” I ask.

“So what now?”

“That’s just it,” I tell him. “I don’t know. I had a crush on him when we were younger, but I never acted on it because, well . . . you know. But now that we’ve reconnected, it’s hard to stop these feelings. He’s successful, nice, smart. He’s caring, and he . . .” I laugh. “He’s a tremendous kisser.” I bite my bottom lip and smirk at Ryan.

“Gross.” He laughs.

“Shut up,” I throw at him.

“So?” he asks again.

“I don’t know.” I shake my head. What would it look like if something happened with us? “Maybe we can just have some fun,” I say, though I have no idea how that would work.

It was weird, maybe, to have said all of those things out loud to my best friend. And I still don’t have any idea how that would work, even with all the back and forth my mind has been doing since that conversation. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try and find out.

I pull myself out of my thoughts and turn to look at a photo I have sitting on my desk. It’s one of Nate and me when we were young, a favorite of mine, from back when life was easy. We had gone on a family vacation to the beach. I remember my mom taking the picture. We were at the line of the ocean where the waves were just coming in, the water kissing our toes, and Nate was bent over because I had just jumped on his back for a piggyback ride. We were both laughing, big smiles with missing teeth and wind-blown hair that could only have come from the ocean breeze.

I’m suddenly overcome with emotion, and tears sting my eyes. Grief is an asshole. It attacks whenever it wants to, seeping in and darkening every corner of your brain. I miss my brother. So many times, I’m angry with him for the choice he made to drive when he was so messed up. Other times, I’m just sad that I lost someone so important to me. I’m sad that we won’t progress through life together, the way brothers should. I swipe a tear away and shake my head. Standing up, I put the frame back on my shelf and reach for my phone.

I need something to distract me, and I’m just hungry enough that food might do the trick. The diner’s my go-to at times like this, and so I quickly change into a pair of black jeans and a black T-shirt, covered with my Punisher sweatshirt. I slide on my black Vans and grab my barbed wire necklace and put it on. I throw on my silver rings. Then I hop in my car and drive myself there.

When I get to the diner, I’m glad it’s not busy. Mondays seem to be their quietest day, which is perfect for what I need right now. I walk farther in and grab a spot at the counter. Lindsey is there at the opposite side of the row of seats, farthest from where I sat, and she greets me with a smile and starts over toward me.

“Hey, Dare! How are things?” She sets water and some silverware in front of me, then hands me a menu but freezes when she sees my face. “Yikes, buddy.” She gives me a soft smile.

I don’t know if or what Lev has told her about the last few days, so I just shrug and say, “Eh, it looks worse than it feels.”

She shakes her head. “I heard what happened. I appreciate you standing up for Keira. I know she appreciates it too.” She smiles at me warmly. “Anyway, do you know what you want?”

I appreciate her not making anything awkward, and so I give my order for dinner. I pull out my phone as she walks away. I’m about halfway through my sandwich when I hear a voice next to me. Its smooth tenor flows through my veins, warming me from head to toe.