Page 79 of Duke with a Desire

She thought of Reggie and Catherine. “Because I am a proper and respectable widow and mother of two children.”

“One who is entirely free to take a lover if she wishes,” he countered. “I am fully capable of discretion, you know.”

“I’m sure you are, but I dare not take that risk.”

“What risk? You can trust me. You know you can. I have kept us a secret for the duration of this house party, have I not?”

“Your comparison is a moot point,” she said sadly. “This house party has been a mere week. And we are in the country, with no one around to see one of us getting into the other’s carriage or sneaking into each other’s homes. There is far too much danger of being discovered in London, no masks to hide behind, so many more wagging tongues.”

Apollo’s face fell, his dimples disappearing. He looked rather like a child who had just been told he couldn’t keep his favorite puppy. Downtrodden, defeated.

“You don’t trust me,” he said flatly.

“Of course I do. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here now. You must know that.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think I know anything any longer where you’re concerned, Phee.”

Her heart gave a pang at his words, the sadness laced into them. “What does that mean?”

“It means that I thought I knew you. But the Phee I thought I knew wouldn’t be too scared to take a chance. She wouldn’t run away from a good thing because she is too frightened of causing a scandal. To the devil with scandals. They only matter as much as you say they do.”

“I wish it were so easy. The consequences, should our relationship be discovered, would be devastating,” she said sadly, her mind venturing to her odious brother-in-law. “I am obligated to live a life that is above reproach at all times.”

His jaw tightened. “Obligated to whom?”

Ophelia didn’t want to talk about Lord Timothy. The subject was an upsetting one, and regardless of what either of them said or did, Lord Timothy would never relinquish the power he had over her, not until Reggie and Catherine reached their majorities. And Corbett had made certain of that when he had named his brother a guardian of their children.

She would die before she would allow Apollo to know the depths of her financial woes or the fact that she was so beholden to Lord Timothy. Her situation was a dire one, and there was no escape. She couldn’t bear the thought of how Apollo would look at her if he knew—the pity.

No, it was better for the both of them to end their affair with the house party. She had far too many burdens to bear, and he would one day soon find a wife and start a family of his own. It would be difficult enough to watch from afar as he inevitably moved on with his life.

“My children,” she said simply, for Reggie and Catherine were indeed a part of her decision-making.

She would never allow anything to befall them. They had already lost their father, and she wouldn’t allow them to lose their mother too. Lord Timothy had made it abundantly clear that he considered it his duty to make certain Ophelia adhered to the strict moral conduct Corbett would have expected of her had he lived. He had warned her in no uncertain terms that he intended to apprise himself of everything she did.

In Lord Timothy’s words, it was his duty to protect the family name and his nephew and niece, just as his brother had wished. She could still hear her brother-in-law’s voice bearing a slight sneer as he’d said, “You didn’t think my brother trusted you, did you? Why do you suppose he made me the children’s guardian in the event of his death?”

Her shock at the discovery had been visceral. She could still feel it now, like an unseen fist crushing her throat. The knowledge that she would be at the mercy of Corbett’s brother had been almost unbearable. Lord Timothy was arrogant, cruel, and meddling. He believed himself the moral and intellectual superior of everyone in his acquaintance.

“Your children would never be hurt by what we share,” Apollo said now, pulling her from her thoughts with a jolt. “What do you think I intend to do, shag you in your drawing room?”

The thought of him pressing her against a settee and lifting her skirts from behind swirled through her wicked mind, making a new ache blossom between her thighs. How shameful she was. She couldn’t keep allowing herself to surrender to pleasure. She had to think of her children. They were all she had. She didn’t doubt that Lord Timothy would take them from her, particularly Reggie, were he ever to discover the debauchery she had engaged in at Wingfield Hall.

She shook her head, wondering what was wrong with her. “No, that is not what I think. I do trust you. I know you would do everything in your power to avoid scandal. But I also know how difficult it is to keep everyone from knowing everyone else’s business in London. Here, we were free to do as we wished. But there, I cannot. I’m sorry, Apollo.”

“We can be free in London as well,” he countered, his expression turning stubborn. “All we have to do is exercise caution. I have a house in St John’s Wood that no one knows about. We could meet there, arriving separately and leaving in the same fashion.”

How tempted she was to say yes. To throw caution to the wind and agree to meet him so that what they shared didn’t have to end. But that would only be delaying the inevitable, and she didn’t think her heart could withstand the damage it would suffer when they were forced to part. The more time she spent with Apollo, the more time she wanted. The deeper she fell for him.

She had to protect not only her children, but herself as well.

“I’m sorry,” she told Apollo softly. “The last few days have been nothing short of wondrous, but I must put my children and their needs first.”

His jaw worked. “I understand and applaud your devotion to your children. You are a good mother, Phee.”

Her heart gave a pang of warmth and gratitude mixed with desolation. “Thank you.”

“And I promise you that I would keep you safe from scandal.” He reached for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. “I vow it on my life. I would do anything to protect you and your children both.”