Page 44 of Dane

“You,” Pain said, pointing at his woman with the hand not holding papers. “You knew about this.”

Nadine lowered her glass. Set it on the table with precise care. “Knew what, honey?” Oh, that was a trap.

Pain advanced on his wife. “Vanderbilt,” he spat. “Three weeks of samples. Three weeks of me screening for every fucking virus known to medical science, and the whole fucking time --” He brandished the papers. “I expected a couple. Planned for it. I mean, it was only a matter of time. Right?” He started pacing, growing more and more agitated. “I called in favors for this, Nadine. My buddy ran every test I could think of on every single one of you. When everything came back normal, he decided to add one more thing.” He pulled his hair with both hands, somehow managing to still hold the papers clutched in one fist. “Why, Nadine? Why for the love of God? Every single one of you? Really?”

“Every single one of… who?” Penny, Tiny’s woman, moved to stand closer to Nadine in solidarity.

“You! All of you!” Pain practically shouted, looking like he couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry. He also looked on the verge of a panic attack and scared fucking shitless.

I stood straighter. “Wait a minute,” I narrowed my gaze. “I’ve only ever seen you look that scared once, Pain.”

Tillie’s eyes went wide and her gaze found Pain’s. “Oh shit.” She and all the old ladies looked at each other, a few looking amused, others looking stunned. “Holy fucking shit!”

Ellie, who had been near the kitchen, who had been sick every morning for the last three weeks, squealed in delight before giving a victory whoop. She pumped both fists in the air as she celebrated like she’d personally won the Super Bowl. “I KNEW IT WASN’T MY CHILI!”

“Oh, my God,” Hannah breathed, looking at Knuckles, looking at her own stomach. “Oh, my God!”

Tillie sat serene on her barstool. “I wondered when you’d stop testing for bubonic clap and start looking at the obvious, Pain. Though it was fun watching you avoid admitting everyone was pregnant.” She grinned. “Well, everyone but me.”

“You wondered?”

“You’re the medical professional,” Tillie said. “I assumed you’d figure it out.”

After that, conversations turned excited as Pain confirmed everyone who’d “gotten knocked up.”

Finally, Nadine put a stop to Pain’s dramatics. “Oh, for crying out loud,” she threw up her hands. “I thought you got over this when Tillie had her baby.”

“What in our history together would ever make you think that, Nadine?”

“Suck it up, buttercup. My best advice is to stock up on prenatal vitamins and Zofran. Maybe some Tylenol.”

“And chocolate,” Hannah added. “Lots of chocolate.”

“Oh! Salty fries too,” someone else said.

Things devolved from there, but the party finally continued with even more laughter.

I had no idea exactly how many women constituted “all,” but it must have been a lot. The women were obviously all excited. Some of them had already guessed or confirmed quietly on their own.

Turned out, Ellie was a much better witch than anyone first thought. Though I hadn’t been there at the time, Ellie had done some kind of fertility spell a few months back. Apparently, it took. So, when a few of the women suspected they might have actually gotten pregnant, they made a pact to keep it to themselves until Pain figured it out.

“Was this why you were so cranky earlier, Pain?”

“No. I was cranky then because I’d gotten results back on five of the women. I assumed that was all of them, but my buddy only got the first five done before the end of his shift. It was just pregnancy tests I hadn’t asked him to run so he didn’t think it was an emergency. He faxed the results over to me before he left for the day. All at once. An hour ago.”

Nadine jerked back, startled. “An hour?” She looked confused. “But you just now came here?”

He glared at his wife. “It took me an hour to convince myself I wasn’t hallucinating.”

That did it. Nadine burst out laughing. So did everyone else. Yeah. We’d all heard about Pain having to deliver a baby during his residency and puking so hard he had spaghetti coming out his nose.

“It’s not funny, Nadine. I was barred from the delivery room after that. In no way am I ready to take care of more than a dozen pregnant women! You’ll all give birth at roughly the same time! I can’t do it!”

“OK,” Nadine said, standing. “I think it’s time to give the good doc a Valium, suck his cock for a while, and put him to bed.”

Even Pain laughed then. The man pulled Nadine into his arms and hugged her tightly, grinning down at her with unabashed love and pride. I had the feeling things were going to be fun around here.

That’s when I realized Brielle was laughing. She laughed so hard, tears tracking down her face and she clutched her belly, her whole body shaking with her laughter. I continued to hold her, and she leaned into me, still laughing.