Page 106 of You Again

Me: It feels like it is. Eternity is a long time.

Janet Case: You can only control your own choices, Rosalie. Not his. Not anyone’s. The fact is, no one’s happiness is on your shoulders. If he chooses to wait, that’s not on you.

I sit with that for a minute.

She’s right. I’m sure she is. Except what if she’s not?

And then I text Grammy.

Me: Would Zev really wait an eternity for me? What if I’m never ready?

Grammy: Yes, he would. You will be ready though. No eternity needed.

Me: Grammy!

Grammy: Trust yourself. Trust your feelings. Trust your soul, angel granddaughter. Don’t let the cloudy past ruin your bright future.

I’m so glad I taught Grammy to text.

I blink my eyes closed and will myself to remember the last six years. Anything. Anything at all. One second would suffice.

But all of my visions of Zev are from the last few months.

Zev at the café.

Zev reading.

Zev chatting with Partida.

Zev at the bookstore, talking about romance novels.

Zev defending me and all teachers to Robert.

Zev in tears.

Kissing Zev.

Holding Zev.

Laughing with Zev.

My soul searching for his.

There’s a rap on the bathroom door.

“Rose?” Fran says. “Everyone is here.”

Forty-Five

Little Ivy’s fingers wrap around my thumb. I bounce her in my lap and distract myself from whatever this day is. I know from Fran that Rosalie called it. Did she gather us all to say goodbye? Being here is too difficult and she’s done? She left Reno, why not Tesoro?

We were doing so well until she learned that I’ve loved her all along.

I’ve always been optimistic—but I’m struggling today.

“Okay,” Maggie says. “So, what’s the plan to make this easier for her?”

“She’s asking questions. We’re answering.” Fran hands Stella a can of soda and looks at little Ivy like she might steal her from me.