Page 96 of Pursuing Desire

The show continues going through the rotation of couples, each one getting their two to three minutes of fame. I have zero interest in the other couples or the show itself, yet find myself blindly staring at the screen.

As much as it hurts to see Jess on the TV, I find myself craving it. My mind blanks when other couples are on the screen, but everything is in full focus the minute Jess appears. I’m so attuned to her smile, her laugh, her voice. Nothing else invades the consciousness of my brain.

Not even my idiot brothers.

“Hellooooo? Dax? You with us?”

I snap out of it in time to see Ethan waving his hand at me.

“Huh? Yeah. I’ll take some more chips,” I tell him.

I hold out the bowl and he smirks at me. I look down to see that my bowl is full. I haven’t taken even one chip out.

“What the hell is up with you today?” Ethan asks. “I asked if you wanted another drink. I’m getting up to get one for myself.”

“Yeah, well, don’t drink all of my good stuff,” I tell him absently.

I can finally admit to myself that I’m a mess, and if I don’t straighten up, my brothers are going to figure it out. Who would’ve thought I’d be moping over a woman like this?

Jake leans forward, his elbows on his knees. “Are you okay? All jokes aside, Ethan is right. You aren’t yourself today. You’re way too . . . quiet.”

My lip curls up in a cocky half smile. “Of course, I’m quiet. I’m watching my gorgeous self on TV. Can’t miss that. I’m thinking I might have a future in modeling or acting,” I tell him.

Jake’s eyes bore into mine. “You’re full of shit. You’re my little brother. I know something’s bothering you.”

“I’m only two years younger than you. Sorry to tell you, Nostradamus, but you got it all wrong this time. I’m fucking great. I’m back in my penthouse. I’ve got my nice bed and a fridge full of food that doesn’t involve a gas station sandwich. What could be better than that?”

Jake’s eyes narrow at me, and I wonder if I fooled him at all.

“If you say so,” Jake says. “Just know that I don’t believe a word of what you just said.”

Ethan comes back over and hands me a fresh glass of whiskey. It’s my third, but who’s counting? Maybe I can get blitzed enough to get through the rest of this damn show.

That thought flies out of my head when the show returns from the commercial break, and they pan over to me and Jess on the beach.

Motherfucker. They’re going to show it. I somehow knew they would because why the hell not? It’s great TV.

I see it in slow motion. I’m picking Jess up and throwing her into the water. She’s sputtering, and we’re both laughing. Her eyes are sparkling in the sunlight, and she’s so happy, so carefree. I’m looking at her as though I’m enthralled, entranced, and bewitched by the beautiful Greek siren singing my name.

Then the world stops and we’re suddenly kissing. The ocean is crashing around us, and neither of us is aware of our surroundings. All sense of playfulness has disappeared. We’re alone, and we can’t get enough of each other.

The memories of that moment flood my brain, and I’m suddenly back in the ocean. Jess and I are together. It all feels so real. We’re so entwined together I can’t tell where I end and she begins. It was only weeks ago, but it feels like a lifetime.

Anne-Marie’s voice booms out of the speakers, knocking me from my trance. For a second, I can only continue to stare at the screen. Then, slowly, the room comes back into focus.

Jake and Ethan are just staring at me, their mouths hanging comically open. If I wasn’t so currently messed up in the head, I’d come up with a joke about it.

Ethan breaks the silence first. “Holy shit, man. That was hot. You and Jess?”

I wave my hand in the air. “It was nothing. All an act for TV. They told us to do shit like that.”

Jake shakes his head. “I knew it. I knew something was going on. Lana is going to kill you when she finds out you had sex with her best friend.”

“Who said I had sex with her?”

Ethan chokes on his drink. “You practically had sex with her on TV just now. Fuck, man. You expect us to believe you two didn’t get it on after that little show you put on?”

I take a big sip of my drink. I’m not nearly drunk enough for this conversation. “They skipped over the next scene, the one where she chews me out and swims away.”