Page 85 of Pursuing Desire

She stares at me as though trying to analyze the truth in my words. Finally, she nods. “Then go to her. I think she needs a friend right now.”

Not needing any additional encouragement, I make quick work of getting out of the house. It’s getting dark out, and the limited light coming from the kitchen windows makes it difficult to see anything but shapes. I stop moving and try to listen to the sounds of the night, hoping for some clue as to where Jess is hiding.

The musical sound of leaves rustling in the breeze is the only sound I hear.

My eyes scan the unfamiliar area as best as I can. My foot brushes up against a branch as I’m walking further from the house. When I look down, I notice the dirt forms a narrow path. I have no idea where it leads, but there’s no way I’m going to give up this easily. She’s out here somewhere, and I have a feeling this path will lead the way.

There are overgrown bushes on either side of me, but the well-worn path is clear enough for me to easily make my way.

After walking for several minutes, I notice a small pond up ahead. Just as I clear the tall bushes and enter an open grass field, I see her small, huddled form.

Her feet are crisscrossed in front of her, and she’s leaning back on her hands.

Not wanting to startle her, I shuffle my feet in the grass to warn her of my approach. She’s so lost in her thoughts she doesn’t hear me.

“Jess.”

She visibly jumps. “Dax? What are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for you. Why else would I traipse across the wilderness?”

She laughs softly. “Wilderness? Do you mean my parents’ yard?”

“Hey, I’m a city boy. My version of the great outdoors is Central Park. I’m pretty sure a raccoon was stalking me just now. At least, I hope it was a raccoon. It had mean, scary eyes. Now that I’m thinking about it, though, it was probably a wolf. I might need you to protect me.”

She laughs. “A wolf, huh? That does sound scary.”

“Mind if I sit?”

“What if I say no?” she asks primly.

“I’d sit anyway,” I tell her as I plop to the ground next to her. “So, how come you’re out here all alone?”

She shrugs. “This is my thinking spot.”

I’m dying to ask her what she’s thinking about, but her pensive mood is putting me on edge. I have an idea about what she’s thinking, and I don’t think I’m going to like it. She’s not ready to have a conversation about us and where we go from here. I feel that all the way to my bones. She wants to end it now.

It’s killing me to know she’s so willing to end things without giving us a fair shot. I’m not even close to being ready to let her go. The closer we get to being back in Manhattan, the more anxious I feel. She’s already setting the stage for our breakup. I don’t have to be a fortune teller to know her plans.

Phase one is avoidance.

Phase two is the argument.

Phase three is the breakup.

She’s never met anyone like me, though. I don’t play to lose.

I’m itching to touch her but instinctively know that wouldn’t go over well. Instead, I stretch out my legs and lean back on my hands, mimicking her pose. I rack my brain to come up with a safe topic, one that won’t make her want to leave our little haven by the pond. “What’s the first thing you plan to do when we get back to New York?”

“I guess I need to find a place to stay. I can’t live in a hotel forever. Luckily, I have quite a bit of photography business lined up. And as soon as we get our prize money, I’ll be set for a while. I know I said it before, but I appreciate all you’ve done for me, Dax. I won’t forget it.”

“Stop thanking me. I told you. It was nothing for me to do this.”

“Well, not to me! Not only did I end up with the money I need, but I was able to get away from all the craziness of my life. I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d stayed in New York. Do you know what it’s like to feel as though you don’t have a way out? That everything you worked for is gone because of a dumb mistake? The weight of my problems crushed me until I thought I would never escape. And then you came along.”

I have to look away from her. I don’t deserve her praise, and it makes me uncomfortable that she sees me as some sort of hero. That’s not who I am, and I’ll never be that person.

“You’re making me sound like some knight in shining armor. In reality, I’m just an asshole who wanted to have some fun.”