Page 79 of Pursuing Desire

“It’s okay, Dax. You don’t need to say anything. I knew this was temporary.” Her voice is strong and steady.

I look at the road ahead of me, shocked at what she’s saying. It takes me a second to recover.

“I’m not breaking up with you. Why would you think that?” I ask incredulously. “That’s the conclusion you draw when I tell you we need to talk?”

She turns back to me. “There’s nothing to break up, Dax. We aren’t together.”

“I vividly remember us being very much together last night. If you are having trouble recalling it, I’m happy to pull over and remind you of what happened,” I tell her in a voice that is rougher than I intend.

She holds up her hand to stop me. “I remember. Anyway, you don’t need to worry about letting me down easily. I’m aware of our agreement. Fun and casual, no attachments. I agreed to it, and it was the perfect arrangement for our situation. We both knew it would end.”

My fingers grip the steering wheel. “I’m going to stop you right there before you piss me off. We aren’t breaking up. I’m trying to tell you that last night meant something to me. That you mean something to me.”

Her eyes soften, and her shoulders relax a little. “Well, you mean something to me, too. You’re a good friend, Dax.”

“Friend?”

“Well, yeah. You’ve done a lot for me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay you back,” she says quietly. I detect the slight hitch in her voice, and it tells me she’s not as unaffected by this conversation as she wants me to believe.

I shake my head. “Pay me back? I don’t expect to be paid back, Jess. I’m trying to tell you something. I’m trying to tell you that I really care about you. And I think you care about me, too, and not just as a friend.”

At first, her face has this impassive look, but I see a crack in the facade. My words are getting through to her, even if she’s not ready to accept them yet. She wants to believe what I’m saying, but she’s been through a lot. I know all of this, yet it’s hard to accept.

This is not at all how I thought this conversation would go. Friends? I don’t want to be her damn friend. I want her to admit she’s as crazy about me as I’m about her. I know it will take time, but she has to know we’re good together. If she won’t admit her feelings, she should at least admit that.

Obviously, I’m playing this all wrong.

She picks up her e-reader and opens it. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to read my book now,” she says in a prissy voice.

And with that, I’ve been dismissed. After I pick my mouth up off the floor, I look at her in disbelief.

“Actually, I do mind,” I tell her.

“Shhh, it’s hard to read when you’re talking,” she chides in a hushed tone.

“Do you think you can ignore me, and I’ll just go away?”

“Yes.”

“Eventually, we’re going to have this conversation,” I tell her dryly.

“I’d rather stick a fork in an electrical socket,” she grumbles. “Will you please be quiet? I’m at a pivotal point in the story, and you’re ruining it for me.”

How she can look so grumpy and cute at the same time is beyond me. I reach out and ruffle the curls on her head.

“Sure, babe. That book must be super interesting. I noticed you staring at that same page for over an hour when you last had your e-reader open. If it’s such a pivotal moment, how come you can’t seem to read past it? Too busy thinking of me?”

“No. It’s so interesting that I’ve just read it over and over,” she states matter-of-factly.

A laugh that starts as a low rumble in my chest escapes. “Somehow, I don’t think I believe you,” I tell her.

She bats her eyelashes at me. “Are you accusing me of lying?”

I know immediately that she’s trying to derail the conversation by changing her tactics. Ignoring didn’t work, so why not try flirting? I’m tempted to call her out, but I know it won’t do any good. She’s not ready for the conversation we need to have.

I’ll give her the reprieve she wants. For now.

“I am most certainly accusing you of lying,” I say.