Page 10 of Edging Desire

“It was barely even a kiss. It was so quick and then over with. I didn’t think there was anything to tell you. It meant nothing.”

Brad’s shoulders slump, and he shakes his head, looking down. “All this time, I thought you were cheating on me. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you enough to ask you, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

It doesn’t escape my notice that he hasn’t mentioned his brother’s role in all of this. If I hadn’t overheard their conversation, I’d never have known his brother fed into Brad’s insecurities about our relationship. He could’ve told me that Todd lied about us sleeping together. Instead, he’s putting one hundred percent of the blame on himself.

That shows what type of man he is.

As much as I want to continue being upset with him, I understand why he left. If our positions had been reversed, would I have done something similar? I can honestly tell myself that I might’ve reacted the same way. I want to believe that I’d have given him a chance to explain, but I just don’t know that I would’ve. We were both young and naïve and navigating a relationship that neither of us was ready for. And he believed what his brother told him.

“I won’t deny it hurt at the time. Badly. At least we’ve now set things straight, and the memories of our time together won’t be as painful,” I say.

“I was hurting, too, believe me. It tore me up to think of you with my brother, and now that I know that he was lying the entire time… I don’t know what to say.”

I feel the misery emanating from Brad. But now that we’ve gotten this far, I might as well ask the question that’s bothering me. I have to know it all. “Did you leave because you were afraid of hurting my chances at the Olympics, or did you leave because you thought I was sleeping with your brother? Which is it?”

Brad’s face is etched with regret. “When Todd first told me I was damaging your career and begged me to break it off with you, I told myself I would be more aware of your obligations and would try to cut back on the time we spent together. But I was young and selfish and wanted you all to myself. Eventually, I realized he was right. As long as we were dating, I’d never be able to stay away from you. Still, I couldn’t make myself break up with you. Then, I saw the kiss. When I confronted Todd, he admitted to a more serious relationship with you. Winny, I went out of my mind. It broke me. The thought of being in the same town with you and Todd was too much.”

I have to clear my throat before I can say anything. “It was a long time ago, and we’ve both moved on. I’m doing what I was meant to do, and so are you. Sometimes, fate just deals a rotten hand, but it’s all worked out in the end.”

Unfallen teardrops gather in my eyes, and I fight the urge to let them fall. Everything feels so final. So done. It’s like everything has led up to this moment, and now that it’s here, I’m not ready for a final goodbye.

And neither is Brad. “If this is the last time we’ll be together, shouldn’t we make the most of it? I don’t want things to end this way. I took a short leave from work and have the next three weeks free, except for a few work obligations here and there. I’d love to spend some time with you.”

I pull myself up from the couch and swipe the moisture at my eyes. “That sounds fun, Brad, and I wish I could, but you’re leaving soon. There’s just no point in us spending time together.”

He also gets up from the couch and takes my hand in his. “I want to be with you, even if it’s just a few days. We were friends once, and I’ve missed that. If we’re going to be separated forever, can’t you let us have this time together? What will it hurt?”

I want to scream that it’ll hurt me. I’m still half in love with him, and he’s imploring me to spend time with him. The intelligent thing would be to get the hell out of here and never look back. And I think I’m pretty dang smart most days.

But not this day and not with this man.

Against my better judgment, I find myself nodding in agreement. “Okay, maybe I can spare a day or two.”

His face lights up, and he surprises me by wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. “Thank you,” he mumbles against my hair.

His masculine scent drifts up to my nostrils, and I breathe in deeply while relaxing into his embrace.

Oh, man. I’m in trouble now.

Chapter 5

Winny

I feel like I’m walking right into the fire, and somehow, I’m excited about it. Brad wants to spend time with me. And not just one day. Days…as in multiple days in a row. I promised him one or two, and he’s planning so much more than that.

It’s baffling, insane, and probably just plain dumb that I agreed to hang with him. Even five minutes spent in his company has me tongue-tied and fighting for a coherent thought. He’s an all-consuming life force that sucks intelligent thoughts from my brain. What other reason could there be for me to agree to go out with him today?

In other words, I’ve lost my ever-loving mind.

Even knowing that, I happily shove my legs into my high-waisted, slightly tight jeans. These jeans hug my butt so nicely, and I don’t even care that they aren’t considered in style. Since he told me to dress warmly, I scrounge through my closet to find a top. I land on a soft, cream-colored sweater. When I pull it over my head, I feel like I’ve been swallowed by a cloud.

My long hair is misbehaving tonight because of the dryness of the air. So, I quickly pull it back into a French braid to keep it out of my face. After applying a light application of eyeshadow and blush, I swipe some lip gloss onto my lips, and I’m ready to go.

The reflection in the mirror reflects a confident, strong woman. It doesn’t show the inner turmoil raging inside of me. Excitement wars with indecision and a dose of fear. It’s not fear of Brad, no. It’s fear of what being around him will do to me.

I’ve dated other men since Brad, but none of them have affected me like he did. None came even close to capturing my heart the way he did. What if I fall for him all over again? I can’t let that happen.

We’re friends, and that’s it. A couple of days in his company will be just fine. Still, those first-date butterflies are attacking my stomach. The violent flutter of those innocent wings tells me I need to tread carefully.