Page 39 of The Kiss

"A bad person. That's all she needs right now. The rest can wait until she's old enough."

Finding the new apartment didn't take long. Apartments were easy to find when you weren't counting every dollar. Janine fought me on the price.

"Alex, this is too much."

"It's a good apartment."

"You're being forced to move because of us. At least let me pitch in for the rent."

"I'm not being forced to do anything. And I'm going to live in it too, so I want it to be a good apartment."

She relented eventually.

We found a three-bedroom six blocks from Erin's, top floor of a brick walk-up with a secured entrance and a buzzer. The living room had wide windows that caught the morning light. There was a park across the street. Hazel could see it from her bedroom.

On the day we moved, the apartment was a mess of boxes. Hazel ran between rooms deciding what went where, carrying things that were too heavy for her and refusing help.

She found my box of souvenirs before I did.

"What's this?" She was holding the Viking longship up to the light.

"A Viking ship. I got it from a museum in Norway."

"What about this one?" She held up the piece of Roman tile.

"A piece of a Roman wall. From a place called Hadrian's Wall in England. The Romans built it almost two thousand years ago."

Her eyes went wide. "Two thousand?"

"Give or take."

Janine was leaning in the doorway, watching. Her eyes moved across the souvenirs, the tile, the ship, the coffee cup from Prague. She looked like she wanted to say something.

I was certain she was the woman from Hogmanay. But I had no idea how to say that without sounding like a man who'd been carrying a stranger's face in his head for over a decade. So I let it be.

Hazel had found my history books. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, flipping through a heavy hardback about European castles, turning the pages carefully with both hands.

"I want to go to all of these places."

Janine smiled. "Someday, bug. We'll go. We just need to save up first. Those trips are expensive."

"I'll save all my pennies."

"Tell you what," I said. "We'll start you a piggy bank."

She looked up at me with a grin that took over her entire face, and then she went back to the castles.

I watched them. Janine unpacking a box in the kitchen. Hazel on the floor with my books spread around her. Their voices filling a space that had been empty ten minutes ago. I understood then that I was going to be sharing this apartment with them and I had no idea for how long. I didn't know what we were to each other. She wasn't my girlfriend. I wasn't her boyfriend. We had never talked about it, and there was no title for what I was doing here. All I knew was that I wanted to stay.

I thought about Cheryl. The empty apartment I gave her. The dinners she ate alone. The mornings I left before she woke up and the nights I came home after she'd stopped waiting. I gave her a home I was never in, and she found someone who actually showed up.

"Alex? The kitchen is still in boxes. Why don't we get takeout tonight?"

"Takeout!" Hazel cheered from the living room floor, the castle book open across her lap.

Janine smiled. "What do you want for tonight?"

I looked at them. I wasn't going to fail again.