Page 185 of Awakened

It can’t. We’re a Pack. Bonded by Fate.

“I see no reason to spare either of your feelings, so I’m just going to give it to you straight. She doesn't want you two, specifically, to scent her.”

“What?” Vae jumps to his feet in shock. “She specifically said Dax and me? Why?”

He sounds so bewildered it breaks my heart. And it doesn’t help that Caelan’s not pulling his punches.

“Why do you think?” he snaps. “She’s been forced to suppress her Omega her entire life. She didn’t even know what her Omega perfume smelled like until the night of the ambush.”

All the blood drains from my face. My stomach churns with that increasingly familiar swooping sensation I’m starting to realize is a potent mix of shame and guilt and self-loathing.

“For ten years she’s lived in fear of punishment if she acknowledged that part of her. She’s been conditioned to believe it’s wrong to smell like an Omega. To perfume, or whine, or reach for something soft when she’s afraid.”

Vae falls back into his chair. Do I look as devastated as he does?

Caelan dismisses us and turns to Calder. “If we’re done here, I need to go find my Mate.”

Caelan barely gives Calder a chance to nod before he spins on his heel and stalks across the room. He rips open the door and disappears into the hall.

The sound of the door slamming shut makes me flinch. I sit here for I don’t even know how long, staring blankly at the door. I know Calder left soon after Caelan, but everything else is a blur. Time seems to slow and speed up at once. My mind spins, and my thoughts tumble over each other.

When I finally wrench my gaze away from the door, I don’t even know what time it is. Vaelenor’s still sitting at the table, eyes trained on the floor in front of him. I almost can’t reconcile what I’m seeing.

My normally good-natured, always smiling brother… is crying.

His face is pale. Tears carve wet tracks down his cheeks. His shoulders are hunched, fists clenched between his knees, body shaking with silent sobs.

For once I have nothing to say. No plan, no dossier, no research. And no fucking clue how to wrap my head around everything I’m feeling.

Eventually the door swings open and Gav walks in, halting in his tracks when he sees us.

“What the fuck happened to you two?”

I don’t answer. I can’t.

What the fuck gives me the right to pretend like I have the answers, anyway?

“Guilt,” Vae murmurs, almost too low to hear. “Shame. Disgust. Longing. The realization that I’m standing at the edge of a chasm, seconds from falling.”

Gav’s eyes widen.

“Cheers.” I lift my glass in a mock salute and bring it to my lips just to find it empty. With a self-deprecating laugh, I set the glass back on the table. “Fucking brilliant.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Gav sighs, walking in and shutting the door behind him. “I’m going to give you two a piece of advice.”

We both perk up, like eager puppies.

“What is it?” Vae asks, green eyes bright with undisguised hope.

“I thought I’d made myself clear, but apparently not. So I’m going to tell you this one more time.”

Vae nods frantically. Pretty sure he’d agree to hand over his firstborn for a legitimate answer on how to move forward.

“Get your heads out of your asses and deal with your fuck up like Alphas. You’re two of my most decorated warriors, and you’re sulking like children. It’s fucking pathetic.”

What the fuck?

“You fucked up big time.” He points a damning finger at me. “Especially you.”