Page 252 of Because the Gods Left

“What do you want me to say? I’ve failed to fix my magic for months, why would I suddenly figure it out now?” Her voice was haggard.

Hadima sighed in frustration.

“If this is about Mom,” Misha tried, “you shouldn’t listen to what she said, Iri. She abandoned us. She doesn’t know what you’re capable of.”

Iryana clasped her hands together so tightly that her nails broke the skin. “I’m not capable of anything! I have never been enough, and now I have to save the world or everyone who I have ever loved is dead! And I can’t do it. I drove Mom away. I couldn’t stop acting out enough to keep Dad from hurting us! I couldn’t stand being around our family because I’m not worthy of them! I am the reason Grandmother is dead!”

Her voice went soft. “I’m no hero. And I’m going to fail you all, just like I always have. We’re flying to our deaths and nothing is going to change that.”

Her magic warred so much her vision started blacking out in spots, her stomach threatening to reject its contents.

The platform grew silent. Not a sound disturbed the tension but the wind and whooshing of wings. That quiet grew teeth, gnawing at Iryana.

“None of those things are your fault,” Hadima whispered. “I know you’re afraid, but—”

“Fear isn’t the problem here, Hadima! I can ignore the fear and pretend all day, but it won’t make me any more worthy.” Another cramp inside, sharp enough to make her gasp.

“You are worthy,” Pyetar said softly, but Iryana just shook her head. He just didn’t see.

Vaneshta cut in. “Hadima, I need help.”

Iryana’s eyes flickered to Lidishta, to a particularly bad slice on her back that she hadn’t noticed before. It was deep.

Hadima hesitated but hurried to Lidishta to take over from Vaneshta.

Using the distraction, Iryana turned toward the corner of the platform, not wanting anyone to see the tears in her eyes. She didn’t want to fall apart in front of them all. Didn’t want everyone to see how weak she truly was.

Pyetar held her tight to his chest, his head buried in her hair. When he spoke, it was a deep rumble right next to her ear.

“I know you’re hurting, I know you feel like you’re not enough. But that doesn’t make it true. You. Are. Enough. You are everything. And I’m here with you, always.”

Pain racked through her. That shield she kept around her heart, holding the pain in, screamed as Pyetar’s words tried to break through. Like a last line of defense to keep him out.

“My brother always told me I wasn’t enough,” Lidishta growled from the other side of the dragon’s saddle while Hadima tried to stitch up her wound. “And even when I stopped caring what he thought—ouch, Hadima! By then, I was the one making myself small.”

Iryana stared at Lidishta across the space, their hair whipping around them with the wind. Vaneshta squeezed Lidishta’s hand tenderly.

“And—” Lidishta winced again. She had to shout to be heard over the wind. “Don’t let anyone do that to you, especially not yourself.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t believe them, didn’t know they were right, but it contrasted so strongly with what she knew deep in her heart that hearing it hurt.

“Can you please just leave me alone!” Iryana begged, clutching her head.

Everything hurt.

“Pyetar!” Vaneshta shouted. “Incoming!”

She watched, shaking, as Pyetar pulled away, rising to see what Vaneshta had alerted him to. Then he pulled to his feet in a rush.

“Misha…” Pyetar started, hands outstretched as he formed his metal-forged swords instead of picking up the spear. Wind tore at him as he leaned into it.

Then she saw them. It looked like a swarm of bats, not realizing it was the sun in the sky and not the moon. But they were a little too big, a little too skeletal. And there was no fur on their bodies, just sharp metal quills. They bore their fangs and screeched as they approached the dragon.

Vaneshta was standing, her forged spear at the ready to protect Hadima and Lidishta.

“Screw the stitches, I can—” Lidishta argued, but Hadima pushed her back down.

“I’ll tell you if we need you,” Vaneshta promised, swiping away the first few bats. They tumbled away, the dragon leaving them behind.