Page 165 of Only Ever You

A lone tear slips down my cheek. Every word resonates with me.

I love him. I love him more than anything in this world. I’ve loved him for my whole life, and all I want is for him to be happy. I want him to succeed and chase his dream of becoming the badass hockey player he was always meant to be.

“Maybe…” My throat closes, but I clear it and push myself to continue. “Maybe we’re trying to force something that doesn’t fit our lives right now.” I dig my nails in my palm, my vision blurring from the pain.

He’s silent for a long moment, but then, he lets out a long breath. “You’ve been thinking about that too?”

I close my eyes, my heart cracking open. “It’s more like I’ve been trying not to.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers.

“You will never lose me,” I tell him. “I just don’t want either of us to start hating this.”

He snorts. “We both know I could never hate you.”

“Yeah, I know.” I smile, even though my eyes are prickling with tears. “But we could easily hate ourselves for getting in the way of our dreams.”

The next pause lasts longer, and when he finally speaks again, his voice is rougher, a bit on edge. “You still want to go to the Olympics?”

“Yes.”

“And…” He exhales. “You still want us?”

I cover my mouth, the pain in my chest blinding. “Always,” I croak. “Maybe it’s time to stop asking each other to choose.”

“For how long?” His voice cracks.

My heart cracks right along with it. “Until after the Olympics.”

He sucks in a breath. “Isla…are you sure?”

“Yeah.” I lick my parched lips. “Or is that too long to wait?”

“No,” he says. “I’ve waited for you before, and I’ll wait for you again. For as long as you need.”

“Me too.” Tears fall freely down my cheeks now. “I love you, Michael.”

“I love you too,” he whispers. “Though if we keep talking…”

“I know…”

“So…we’re letting each other go?”

I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Yes, but it’s not a goodbye; it’s to be continued.”

“Fuck,” he curses, the sound low and broken. “I…I better…”

“Goodnight, Michael. Sleep tight.”

“Goodnight,” he echoes. Then, the line goes silent.

On autopilot, I put my phone on the nightstand, then grab my laptop and turn on Witch Hat Atelier. It’s one of my comfort anime, and dear God, I need that comfort right now. I burrow under the covers, eyes trained on the screen, and allow myself to cry.

Tomorrow is a new day.

A new day, and we’ll both continue to chase our dreams.

But tonight, I let myself be sad. Because sometimes, even the right decision hurts.