Page 18 of Once I Find You

I shake my head, the tears still flowing. I don’t even know why I’m crying. Am I crying because I’m a liar? Because the man I love rejected me? Because these horrible memories suddenly resurfaced and I’m reminded that I’m just a mess of a person?

I don’t know.

“It’s okay babe, come on, get in the car. You’re coming back to my place.” Her voice is soothing as she leads me into the passenger seat. The next thing I hear is her driver door close, and we finally move.

“Sorry,” I eventually squeak out.

“What? Why? You don’t have to be sorry Layla. It’s your life. You’re allowed to have secrets, okay? Even from me. Just please don’t keep dangerous ones from me, because you know I’ll do anything for you. Even hide a body. I don’t have to hide a body, do I?” she asks, turning for a moment, and I let out a small chuckle as I wipe my cheek.

“No. No bodies.”

“Whew okay, ‘cause I would, but I have no fucking clue how to do that, girl.”

“I met him,” I blurt out.

“Oh, yeah, how was the date with Clark then? I’m assuming it wasn’t⁠—”

“No, Crystal. I didn’t see Clark. I met him.”

“Layla, why the hell are you talking in riddles? Who are you saying you met?”

“The Hangman.”

The car stops in the middle of the road, and my back hits the seat.

“Layla Ryan, look me in the eye and tell me I just misheard you,” she asks as she turns to me.

“I…I really met him. I found him, Crystal. And…he didn’t even give me a chance.”

“No, no, no. Layla. Please, for God’s sake, you tracked down a serial killer, surprised him, and confessed?!” She shakes her head with a sigh.

“Well, when you put it that way, it sounds kinda bad, but really I had no other choice.”

“No other choice? Girl!”

“I’m sorry, okay?” I say, waving my arms. “I know you’re mad and worried, but can you please pretend that part was normal because all I want is to tell you about him and have you maybe understand?” I beg.

She takes a breath and looks at me again. “Okay, okay. I can handle it. Lay it on me.”

“So, now what? You…seriously are going to try to find him again?” Crystal asks, sitting back on her bed with me, now with a bowl of popcorn as promised.

“I have to. Maybe I caught him too off guard, so he wasn’t able to think about what I was really trying to say. If I go see him when he’s…less stressed out, maybe he’d hear me out,” I say as I grab a handful of popcorn.

“I love you, but I don’t know if this is a good idea. I am a proud advocate for supporting women’s rights and wrongs, but this is just…a lot, Layla. I’m worried your expectations are higher than he can ever reach.”

“Do you think he could love me?” I ask, looking down at the bowl.

“What? Who would be stupid enough not to love you?”

“I don’t know. I have a lot of problems.”

“We all do! People don’t fall in love despite someone’s problems, but because they embrace them. If he doesn’t embrace you, you gotta walk away. Even if you’re obsessed,” she adds sternly.

I ignore her comment. Is it wrong to be a little obsessed, anyway? “So, tell me how! I want to give a good impression this time. Once I figure out how to find him, I want to go there and…show him that I’m confident and worth paying attention to. I want him to really see me.” I smile, imagining what it would be like.

“Well…how are you finding him this time? ‘Cause I am not letting you put yourself in a dangerous situation again,” she says.

“All I have now is his license plate number, but I’m pretty sure it’s useless, because you can’t look those up online.” I sigh.