Page 16 of Once I Find You

What in the hell is she going on about? “Get on with it,” I throw out.

“Whew, okay. Let me start over. My name is Layla and…I came here because I needed to find you.”

Find me? No. This girl couldn’t have “found” me. She’s working with the cops. I can’t let myself be taken away because she looks so innocent. I’ll let her go on and see if her body language gives her up.

“I-I know you don’t know me, but you know my uncle. You killed him last year. Jack Ryan?”

Jack Ryan? I think for a moment, and eventually a vague memory surfaces, or at least familiarity. “And? What? Come to turn me in? Cause let me tell you this, little girl, I don’t give a fuck if⁠—”

“No! I mean I came because I wanted to meet you! I needed to thank you, because you saved me. I mean, you totally changed my life. I’ve…been finally able to start healing. I couldn’t have done that without you.”

Her genuine words pierce through me. I don’t let myself think long about the cases; I kill and that’s the end. I forget the names and burn them. I can’t get attached or engrossed because if I do, I’ll relive the feelings of Mel and Sadie all over again.

“You can’t be fucking serious. You understand where you are, don’t you?” I ask incredulously. She nods, looking sorry. I groan and wipe my hand over my face. “Then what the absolute fuck are you doing here? You know what this man did, don’t you?”

“Yes…but⁠—”

“No. No fucking ‘but.’ He’s a serial rapist. What the fuck would you have done if he was here, if he attacked you? Huh? Do you have any idea what would’ve happened if I wasn’t the one who walked through that door?”

She shrugs, her eyes beginning to glisten with unshed tears. Goddamnit. I could never handle women crying.

“Don’t—shit. Look, kid, you need to go back wherever the fuck you came from. I don’t care what your reason is, you’re a fucking liability and I can’t afford it. You’re welcome, hello and goodbye, and whatever else. Okay?”

“I-I’m not a kid,” she says sniffling.

“I don’t have time for this shit. I need you out. Now.”

“No! I mean, at least let me finish!” she begs and moves a step closer. If I was smart, I’d swiftly knock her out and drop her off at a hospital.

“You—”

“Please. I’ve been following your every move for months. I worked so hard for this chance. I swear I only came inside because I saw him leave in someone else’s car, and I knew you’d be here. I would never risk it I promise.”

I take a deep breath to keep myself from saying something I shouldn’t. “How could you have known I was coming here?”

“It was the end of your rotation. I…I figured you were saving him for your next rotation of publicized cases. I mean, I was sure it would be tonight because I know you’re so worried about that photo you probably had to rush it.”

The photo? Jesus Christ. This girl thinks she’s fucking Nancy Drew. “No, fuck the photo. No one is on to me. Except you, apparently. So tell me why I should leave a loose end untied?” I ask as I step closer.

“Me? I would never out you!”

“It’s a matter of time. The longer you stand here, the less I’m willing to leave you alive. You get that, don’t you? I’m a killer. Now get the fuck out before you get hurt.”

“But you’d never hurt me. You only kill the bad guys.”

God fucking⁠—

“I do what I have to do to protect myself. I have shit to accomplish and I ain’t going down just because some kid stuck her nose in where it didn’t belong.”

“I’m not a kid! And I want to help you!”

“Help me? You’re screwing me right now. I don’t care what you say, if you meant it, if you’re really thankful or whatever the hell you think you are. You got it off your chest and I said you’re welcome. Now get.”

“I didn’t even get to finish,” she says softly, wiping the single tear off her cheek.

Of course she has more to say. Do I fucking let her speak? Will it get her out of my hair faster? Can I even handle looking at her any longer without forgetting I need her gone?

She wipes her eye with her sleeve, taking a breath so she can speak again without her voice breaking. “The truth is…I’m in love with you. I’ve been imagining this day ever since you saved me. I um, I didn’t expect it to go like this, but I don’t mind.”