Page 65 of Best Laid Plans

I shake my head and resume peeling the label on my water bottle. “I knew something was up, but like you, I thought it was just all the stunts he pulled. And yet I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing something. I thought I was losing my mind or, at the very least, just reading into it too much.”

“No, I don’t think so.” She leans her elbows on the table and rests her head in her hands.

“I hate the words club business,” she complains, making me chuckle.

“I was just sitting here thinking about that. It doesn’t usually bother me, but in this case, it feels different.”

“It’s because we’re in danger. We can all sense it, but our guys are in protection mode and won’t listen to reason. I cannot understand the need to keep us in the dark when it has to be safer for us to know what’s coming.”

“I don’t even know what to say. Part of me understands it. There is a kind of freedom that comes from not having to worry about every little thing. This club must deal with a million things that we’re all completely oblivious to. I think if we knew all the ins and outs, it would give us nightmares. They keep their mouths closed to protect our sanity, but it also gives us some protection legally. It’s not done maliciously or because they don’t trust us. It’s just the way it’s always been for MCs. The problem is that times have changed, and so have our enemies. Women and children aren’t kept out of it. What was once untouchable, with some secret honor-amongst-thieves bullshit, is now obsolete. Now the women and children are targets—and easy ones at that—because we don’t see the danger coming until it’s too late. This club is more progressive than most, but there is still an element of the Dark Ages about it. I wonder how many more people will get hurt before they realize change is coming, whether they like it or not.”

“I get what you’re saying. I’m just not sure what’s going on in their heads. There was an incident with James—or Michael, as he was going by with Legs—well before I was on the scene. I think it was before you even left. Because they didn’t share with us, we had no idea what James looked like. It wasn’t until I was missing and they called the women into church, where they had the photos up on the board. Legs realized she’d seen him before. That’s when some of the pieces started coming together. I just feel that in circumstances like this, we should all come together, a bit like they did in the town hall.”

We’re both quiet for a moment. The truth is, she’s not wrong. But I’m not sure if the club will take that route while opening the club to other MCs, not wanting to muddy the waters as such.

“I don’t know what the answer is, Citi. I know sometimes I wish I didn’t know as much as I did. But like you, I’d rather see the devil coming than have him sneak up behind me.”

“We don’t want any of you to get hurt. You get that, right?” We both jump at the sound of Havoc’s voice and turn to find him standing just behind us.

“How the heck do you move so quietly?”

He shrugs, his eyes moving between Citi and me.

“How much did you hear?” I ask warily, not wanting him to be pissed that we were discussing things we perhaps shouldn’t have, out in the open. Even if the clubhouse is quiet today.

“Enough.” He sighs and takes the seat at the table next to mine. “You know I never wanted to be president. It wasn’t something I aspired to be, even with my father being one before me. I wanted the club life—the brothers at my back, the solidarity of knowing I had a family for life…and well, we know how that turned out. I thought I was fucked over by a woman I cared about, went to prison for a brother who never deserved it, and I felt abandoned by my club. When Blade offered me the president’s position here, I mostly took it out of spite, knowing it would fuck Khan and Driller up. But then things changed. I realized I’d been looking for everything I wanted in the wrong place. And now I’m here, and I have it all. I’m the luckiest man alive. I could lose it all in a heartbeat, and I’m not sure I could come back from that. I know if I lost cupcake, it would kill me. I’m trying to make moves while keeping my emotions out of it, but it’s proving harder now than it ever has before.”

He rubs his hand over his face, and I feel a pang of sympathy for the man who has to always hold it together, no matter what.

“I knew him best. Maybe I could give you some insights into him. It might not help, but maybe it will help you to know how he thinks,” I offer. Even though I hate talking about him, I want to do everything I can to stop him. He’s terrorized me for long enough.

“Same here. I might not know him as well as Lil, but I know him better than you guys do.”

He looks at us, considering. He leans back and folds his arms over his chest. “Alright, tell me what makes this man tick.”

“Control,” both Citi and I say at the same time before chuckling. I nudge her to go first.

“When he was posing as a therapist, he made himself seem as non-threatening as possible. And he was smart about it. Looking back now, I feel dumb, assuming he wasn’t as scary because of his wheelchair⁠—”

“Wait, what?” I look between them.

“Powers didn’t tell you?” she asks.

“To be fair, the man had a lot to cover,” Havoc reminds her.

“Right, sorry. Michael, I mean James, knew my history. He’d looked me up—he even told me he did so that he could get a better understanding of my story. But I think some of that was to cover his back if he slipped, like when he mentioned my sister or the outfit I was wearing when I was taken. It is all out there on the internet for the world to see. It’s just not stuff I had mentioned to him yet. It already set an odd precedent, I guess, because I went in expecting to be asked questions, not for him to have already painted a picture about me.”

“And the wheelchair?”

“Objectively, I can tell you he was a good-looking guy and a fit one. Strong, imposing, tattoos of the Grim Reaper on his forearms when his sleeves were rolled up. In another life, he wouldn’t have looked out of place in an MC. I was wary of men, instinctually. I wanted to get past it. That’s why I sought him out in the first place. But I can tell you now that if I’d walked into his office and he’d been standing over me, I’d have left again. The wheelchair gave me a sense of safety because I assumed I could outrun him. It gave me confidence, which meant I overlooked the fact that even if he were wheelchair-bound, he wasn’t weak. He could have snapped my neck before I ever made it to the door. He staged the scene, and I fell for it. If it weren’t for him calling Lil Lilac, he might have gotten away with it longer, though I’d already decided that we didn’t gel.”

I open my mouth, but Havoc beats me to it, leaning closer.

“Why didn’t you gel?”

“He was too opinionated. He kept telling me how I should feel, which invalidated how I actually felt. He also came across as judgmental about MCs and Ambros being a fighter. He planted seeds about me and you betraying Tink. And instead of helping me heal, I started questioning myself and what kind of person I’d become.”

“He was unpicking your progress, but in a way that you thought it was you, not him,” I say softly.