Page 22 of No Rest for the Wicked

Victor inched toward the hole. “I do, Adam. Be ready, should the gremlin flee⁠—”

“I thought the wards would hide me. And they did, for a while. But then things happened, and I guess hiding was never going to be a long term plan. If I had a plan, which I don’t.”

He glanced over his shoulder. “Perhaps it might be prudent to focus on the more immediate problem of the gremlins?”

“Yeah, but also, I’ve had nobody to talk to about this. Which is my own fault, I know, but also, everyone I’ve told in the past or anyone who found out about me, they’d freak out and then try and kill me because . . . you know . . . the prophecy says I have to die and hand over my heart. It’s not me who saves the world, by the way, it’s my heart. Which means every time anyone discovers who or what I am, they go straight to the stabbing part, which gets real tiresome after a while. Oh, you want to be friends? Wait, you’re the Prophesied One? Stab stab.” I mimed some stabbing, then the me dying part. “Nobody wants to know me. Dragons are bad. We set fire to things, kidnap maidens—whatever that means. What is a maiden? I’m not a bad person. I don’t think I am. Am I?”

“Adam.” At least he sounded sympathetic. “Perhaps we can focus⁠—”

Scratching noises scurried along the wall toward the hole.

“Never had a lair either,” I went on. “I don’t think I’m a very good dragon, or at least everyone’s definition of one. I mean, I guess I have eaten people. But some people need eating. It’s not a choice⁠—”

“Adam!”

The gremlin shot from the hole and launched at my face, because of course it did. It’s always the face.

Victor swept the trap through the air and slammed it down, capturing the gremlin inside. The little creature screeched and bounced inside the grated metal walls, probably swearing in gremlinese.

“Yeah, I know that feeling little buddy,” I agreed with it. “Trapped, doomed, no way out.”

Victor huffed, flicking his long hair back as he rose with the trap in his hand. “Adam, my dear. Unfortunately, these gremlins are unlikely to entrap themselves. Shall we continue the task of catching them all, and then discuss other, more personal developments after? Preferably with tea and wine?”

“Yes. Good talk.” I took the cage, and its gremlin. “It feels good opening up to you. You’re a good listener, Victor. We should talk some more. Later. Much later? Tomorrow? Next year? Right, let’s go help Zee.”

“Adam.” Victor stopped me at the door, his firm hand on my arm. “I don’t think you’re a bad dragon, or a bad person. Perhaps, merely a lonely one. And I’m always ready to listen. Anytime, day or night. It is the least I can do.”

I squeezed his hand. “You’re too good for me.”

“Oh, I sincerely doubt that.”

“Hm, I’ve done bad things.”

“I don’t doubt that, but I’ve had a lot longer to collect mistakes. I can assure you, I’ve done more.”

Were we really trying to out-villain each other? I chuckled at the absurdity of it all.

We found Zee outside ground zero, also known as my room. From his mussed hair and twisted clothes, he’d clearly had an interesting time catching his gremlin. Although, the poor thing was now scrunched in a ball at the back of Zee’s trap, its little knees drawn up and tucked under its folded arms.

“I am so ready to be done with gremlins. You ready?” he asked us.

“Not really.” I grabbed the bedroom door handle. The gremlins already in the room were unlikely to react well to seeing their kin shoved into a portal. But what other choice did we have? Taking a deep breath, I mentally steeled myself for the carnage and, opening the door, I peeked through the gap.

The gremlins had . . . gone.

The room looked as though a tornado had ripped through it, but the riot—the gremlin orgy—was over.

“What is it?” Zee asked. “Is it bad? Ugh, fuck, is there a dead guy? Do I have to replace the fucking carpet again?”

“No, it’s not that . . .” I shoved the door fully open and drifted inside.

The portal remained, throbbing like an open wound above my old bed, but we were alone.

“Perhaps they went into the portal already?” Victor suggested, inching inside the room behind me.

“We aren’t that lucky.” I set my cage down and peeked under the bed. Nothing. “Check the bathroom.”

Zee vanished into the bathroom and came back shaking his head. “I don’t like it.”