Page 60 of Great Service from Top to Bottom

Zee thrust a hand at my face. “I’m immune to the Adam Vex sad face.”

“Zee, c’mon⁠—”

“My heart is stone.” He peeked through his fingers and clutched his heart. “Fuck. Ugh. I’m such a simp for you.” His wings flopped. He stomped to Reynard, sheathed his sword, scooped him around his middle, and slung him over his armored shoulder. “Save Daddy Vampire, Zee. Stop being amazing, Zee. Lick my feet, Zee.”

Agatha arched an eyebrow. “Feet?”

“I didn’t . . . haven’t . . . we don’t . . . with the feet . . .” I sighed. Again. “Never mind. Let’s go get Tom.”

The worst had to be over, right? We’d been thrown in a deep freezer, arrested for murders a pixie committed, shot at by a Rick Astley superfan, and then dumped in a fish tank and almost drowned. What else could go wrong?

CHAPTER 16

The ominous weight of foreboding was even worse the second time. But it was fine. Zee was here. We just had to get Tom and leave. If Reynard’s hidden button camera still worked after being flushed through the aquarium, then hopefully we had all the evidence we needed and this whole escapade would be over soon.

“This is some Breaking Bad shit you’ve got going on here,” Zee remarked as we entered the cosmetics lab. He’d vanished his wings or he wouldn’t even have fit inside the small room.

He spotted the crates at the back of the room. “Lady Tinks, you should be grateful I’m carrying Victor Suck-Hard because if I weren’t, you and I would be having fucking words right now.”

Agatha ignored Zee and swept down the length of the lab table to retrieve the Tom Collins unit. But instead, she picked up a phone.

“What’s she doin’?” Zee asked.

“Agatha?”

She held up a finger while tapping one-handed on her phone.

“She can see my big, threatening sword, right?” Zee asked me.

She raised her phone and took a picture of Zee.

“Eh, fuckin’ excuse me?” He slammed Reynard’s snoozing body down onto the lab table, knocking over several test tube and bottle contraptions. “This ain’t no meet-and-greet.” He beckoned, nails glinting. “Give us Tom back or imma get frisky with you in an unfun way.”

“Yes, alright, but here’s what is actually going to happen.” She tucked her phone into her pants pocket. “Zodiac will remain with us, Adam, while you take your Tom Collins unit and Victor, and leave. A fair trade.”

Zee and I glanced at each other.

“You seem to be confused,” Zee said. “So let’s clear up some points for you.” He raised one finger. “Fuck.” The second finger went up. “You.” He glanced at me. “That seems clear. Is that clear, Adam?”

“That’s pretty clear.”

Agatha remained unamused. “That’s pleasant, except, Zodiac’s wings, horns, tail, and cock, are ample remittance for your trouble and the Tom Collins unit, Mr. Vex. It’s a good deal. You should take it.”

Zee blinked, glittery purple lashes fluttering. “Wait, hold your horses there, pardner. Back up some, because I did not hear you right. You want to trade my cock for Tom Collins?”

“And the rest of you.”

Zee blinked again and screwed up his nose. “I’m really conflicted. I get it, lady, I do. We’re all cock enthusiasts here, and we can all agree, mine is the best. I’m sympathetic, really. You clearly aren’t getting any cock. But your proposal is a little unclear in some areas⁠—”

“She wants to cut off your dick, Zee.”

Zee recoiled. “The fuck is wrong with you people?!”

I removed my hands from my pockets. “I’ve heard enough. I’m tired, wet, and really grumpy. I’ve had a terrible night, and I am done with all of this nonsense.”

“Also, Tinks, my cock stays attached.”

“And if you lay a finger on Zodiac I will come back there and⁠—”