Page 4 of Great Service from Top to Bottom

I buried my face in my hands. I had hoped they might get along better, now Reynard had let slip he maybe had feelings for Zee, and Zee was totally into Reynard, but also in deep denial about being into Reynard. So much so, that he’d convinced himself his attraction for the vampire lord was my secondhand lust. But no. After everything we’d been through, they were still bickering.

“He won’t get it, because he blocked me.” Zee flicked his hair. “Loser. Do you know how many millions of people would beg to have my number? It wouldn’t kill him to lighten up. Vampires are the fucking worst.”

Zee’s phone pinged.

I peeked through my fingers to see Zee pick up the phone. His eyes widened. “Oh. Hello, daddy. Okay.”

“What is it?” Whatever it was, it had left Zee almost speechless.

Zee held out the phone, with Reynard’s reply clearly displayed: Consume my phallus and perish, demon.

“Oh.”

“I thought he’d be a penis kinda guy, you know? Devour my penis and expire, is more his vibe. But no, there it is. Phallus. Do you think he likes dick? Mrs. Fuck-Hard said he was a limp squid in bed. Maybe he’s into pegging? Not that I care. I’m asking for you, as you’re definitely into him. I’m not. I’d rather fuck Basic Tom here than Vampire Daddy. No offense, Tom.”

“As the basic package, I am not equipped to assist you with that matter,” Basic Tom said.

I sighed and wished our broken Tom Collins was here to serve me something potent, and then snark about it. “Please ask Reynard to come by the bar as soon as he can to help fix Tom.”

“Sure.” Zee tapped the message. “ADAM WANTS YOU NOW—all caps—DADDY. Done.”

“That’s not what I—never mind.”

“Hm, signal’s dropped out. I’ll go outside and send it.” He hopped off the stool and sauntered toward the door. “Hey, did you know the wards have gotten bigger? I gotta cross the street to get a signal. Madame Matase should look into that.”

“Yeah, okay,” I called, as the bar door swung shut behind him. The wards had gotten bigger each time Zee and I were intimate. Other things had happened when we’d been intimate too, like little sparks of extra energy. Probably because my glamor “situation” had become precarious.

Tom stood, face blank, barely moving but for an occasional blink, as he waited for the next order. I never thought I’d miss broken Tom Collins’s rampant swearing and unfiltered opinions, but looking at Basic Tom made it clear, our Tom had been special.

He’d also been the only person this side of the veil who had truly begun to see the real me. I’d been able to relax, just a little bit around him. We’d talked sometimes, in the early hours, when the bar was empty and the hotel sleeping. He couldn’t legally record our conversations or recall them to others, which made him safe. I already missed him.

Hopefully, our Tom was still in there somewhere. Reynard would know how to get him back, if Zee hadn’t irritated him too much with dick jokes.

But Tom wasn’t the only one glitching at the SOS Hotel. There was the small issue of my own curse beginning to fail, and if that happened, an AI bartender would be the least of our many problems.

I guzzled my cocktail and thanked Basic Tom as he dutifully whisked the empty glass away.

Everything was going to be fine. Things had settled down in the past few days. We hadn’t had any new murders, no threats, no surprises. Even the gremlins had been quiet.

I had everything under control . . .

Until I didn’t.

CHAPTER 2

“One Bloody Bitch, please Tom,” Lord Reynard said in his perfect, deeply delicious, proper voice.

“My apologies, I do not have that drink in my inventory. I can however, make you a Bloody Mary? Would you like me to make you a Bloody Mary?”

Reynard’s right eyebrow ticked. He turned toward me, shifting that glorious curtain of black silk hair across his expensive suit-clad shoulders. “This is indeed disturbing.”

“It happened sometime overnight. He was fine yesterday, when I asked him to come up with some non-alcoholic cocktails for our guests. He told me to go, erm, finger myself, so he’d definitely been our Tom then.”

“Hm.” Reynard glided around behind the bar, then ducked out of sight.

The Tom Collins humanoid AI unit twitched, then slumped, his head going slack. His eyes remained open. I shivered. Now he looked like an upright corpse.

Hopefully, the guests wouldn’t notice. It was still early in the day, so the bar was quiet anyway. But any rumors our bartender was out of action would hit the hotel’s measly profits.