Page 87 of AMS.TER.strum

‘Before I have to dash off again, what’s the plan?’ Dory casts a furtive look at her watch.

‘I…we don’t know yet. Luuk wants to be based in Amsterdam…’

‘Hence the house,’ Bea says.

‘He wants to make it work, but I have no idea how.’

First of all, we have to plot out a whole strategic plan, so that we can convince everyone—starting with Aaron—that this is something worth risking a career for. Because, if it wasn’t for me, there would be no dilemma. He would be focusing on that career which now feels as if it’s standing in the way of our being together.

Luuk doesn’t want to even hear me talking about his real home being regarded as an obstacle, since the three of us give him energy to deal with the touring and the pressure. It’s not that I doubt the truth in his words, but the possibility of harming what he has worked so hard for and loves does make its appearance in regular intervals.

‘Hell, no!’ Bea almost shouts, when I share my concerns. ‘Stop beating yourself up and enjoy what you have! It’s absolutely amazing to be in love with your best friend—the fourth in line, that is—and to have said love reciprocated!’

‘Am I a moaning Minnie? Looking for reasons to complain or holes in the plot or…’

‘We wouldn’t like a saint for a friend.’ Lola bumps her shoulder against mine.

‘And it’s normal to want to control the narrative in your own story, especially after all the waiting. Shit, I have to go!’ Dory says, drinking up. ‘It’s been short but so necessary!’

‘We can come help,’ Lola offers, but we all know the answer.

‘I’m a jerk boss! Elena is the only one able to put up with me. Keep me posted, guys!’

‘Any new songs written about you, now that distance is breaking your hearts?’ Bea asks.

‘I’m sure they’re coming up,’ Lola says. ‘All that honey overflowing…’

‘You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?’

My complaining is a sham, because I have missed being around them, and this is part of the normality I want with Luuk. While he was here, we made sure to spend as much time as we could together. Under normal circumstances, our days would be dotted with drinks or dinners with friends, or activities with the kids, also including Kalvin and Lola. Now, with everything so new, it felt premature to add more people to the equation, for one more reason I would never voice to Luuk. If things didn’t work the way we planned, the more people this us involved, the more difficult it would be. But who am I kidding? If this ends up not working, I will be crushed.

‘Hey, no sad faces! Positive thinking!’ Bea orders. ‘Same time next year, we’ll be having a toast to the two of you having moved in together at that new place of his.’

‘Maybe even toasting at the veranda I will have turned into a jungle,’ Lola offers.

‘Let’s drink to that.’ Bea lifts her glass, eyes dreamy, as if we have fast-forwarded time, and dreams have come true.

Chapter Forty-Three

Luuk

It takes a little more than a week for Hell to break loose. Not because the fuse was slowly burning, but because I decided to wait before dropping the bomb of my real-estate purchase in Amsterdam. My excuse to myself was that we were amidst the frenzy of me performing again. The real reason was postponing the explosion that would follow. As expected, my manager wasn’t happy.

‘You did what? You’re shelving your career now that it’s at its peak?’

‘It’s not like I’m retiring, Aaron, I just want a normal life.’

He huffed. ‘You should have thought of that before deciding to have a career in music.’

‘Does a career in music mean being alone forever? Giving away my personal life?’

‘No, but it doesn’t mean throwing everything away for a piece of ass you could find anywhere else and two kids that aren’t yours either.’

‘Watch your words, Aaron, these people are my family,’ I bite out.

His short laugh was like a cut of a knife. ‘How often did you see your family before camping at their place for a few weeks? Maybe you should reconsider what you call family. Maybe it’s someone who took you under his wing and has been around, especially as Norman’s health was declining? Unlike someone who lives on another continent.’

The cut was invisible for the moments it took for the words to sink in, then blood gushed out. ‘That was a low blow, Aaron.’