Page 53 of AMS.TER.strum

Knock-knock-knock boots brought ‘Awws’ and ‘Oohhs’ in unison as people swayed to the melody. I filmed it to show the kids the next day. They were elated, eyes wide open, upon listening to their song being sung by some fifteen hundred people.

When the stage lights were replaced by the ceiling lights, a sure sign for us to leave, my heart started thundering at the thought of having this magical creature close, all to myself. Dory offered to make herself scarce, but waited enough for the message to arrive: Luuk’s manager, the infamous Aaron, needed them to meet with some people for drinks.

My solo ride home was disappointing, not helped by the drizzle that added to my gloominess. I’m grateful he’ll stay a bit more, but this time I’m anticipating his departure with pure dread, as if a part of my heart is violently yanked off, the scabs on the gaping hole spelling Loss.

I huff at the swell of tears threatening to ruin my makeup, then use the tip of a tissue to make sure it will remain intact. I got no information as to what we’ll do, so I opted for one of the dresses I miss wearing, and my Mary Janes with the thick mid-high heels that are good to walk on cobblestones, yet girly. Casual chic, right?

My stomach clenches in a tight fist at the sound of the doorbell, and my heart pounds so hard when I go to open it, I might as well have just run a marathon.

Chapter Twenty-four

Luuk

I take a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, letting it out slowly, to calm the nerves, more than I’ve ever had before a date.

Date, huh? Does she know it’s a date and not the usual drinks with her friend, kiddo?

Last night was the biggest letdown. If we were in another city, I wouldn’t think twice. But while in Amsterdam, the last thing I want is to waste moments with Corrie doing what could easily be a Zoom call. Sure, I could have declined, claiming I was tired, and gone to meet her instead, but the problem with lying when I’m recognizable is that someone will snap a photo when I least expect it and get me busted. So I followed everyone to a top-floor bar overlooking the IJ and went through the motions, slowly counting down, wondering whether my surprise was too much. Just like I am now.

The door opens and Corrie stands before me, eyes shiny and cheeks flushed. Her lips open just a tiny bit, like she’s about to say something but is hesitant, but it’s me who’s left speechless because she looks radiant in that purple knee-length dress with the flared skirt and sleeves. Those shoes bring her eyes almost opposite mine, not to mention her lips are just a breath away.

‘Hey…’ we say in unison.

Corrie shifts her weight nervously. ‘Overdressed? Underdressed? I was given no clues.’

Instead of a reply, I reveal the bouquet of irises from my back. ‘Couldn’t find lilacs, but the colour is close, I guess.’

Her smile brightens, revealing that almost invisible chip on her tooth, courtesy of a very enthusiastic Ada, who ran into her mom’s arms and headbutted her, the rhinestone on her hair clip acting as a chisel. ‘They are beautiful. Thank you.’

That last part she almost whispers in my ear as she gives me a peck on the cheek, then wipes the residue. This simple couple-y gesture of familiarity isn’t a first. As usual, it does things to my mind and body that I neither want to follow up or act upon, at least not right now, so I deflect with a reasonable question. ‘Wanna put these in water before we leave?’

Flowers taken care of, we start walking next to each other, I with a hop in my gait, and I swear there are sparks of static whenever our arms accidentally brush, the backs of our hands grazing. My little finger twitches to curl around hers, but surprisingly listens to the warning voice of reason, saying to not fuck this up, as we walk along Haarlemmerstraat, towards one of the bridges over the canal to Westerpark.

A part of the road is dug up, so she treads carefully on the large rubber slates placed over the sandy ground. I hold her arm to steady her. ‘Is there anywhere in this city that’s not dug up anymore?’

‘Didn’t you get the memo? This city is celebrating its 750th anniversary with a huge reno of the whole place at once!’

We are now on the futuristic Arendbrug, bringing us to the last few meters to our destination and my heart to a thundering gallop.

Corrie’s brow furrows. ‘Huh?’

‘Almost there.’

Chapter Twenty-Five

2021

Luuk

‘Zo varen de scheepjes voorbij,’ I hear Corrie’s low singing voice approaching. ‘Look who’s here!’ she tells Otto as she playfully shoves him towards the screen.

She had to get him before he woke Ada up, because this grown-up boy of a year-and-a-half doesn’t just lie in bed doing nothing, so he’ll join our weekly video call. Besides comforting, this distant domesticity is dangerous, resembling a long-distance relationship. With everything that’s still going on around us, we cannot co-exist in the same physical space, so we bring our homes together, the computer screen more of a meeting point than a barrier.

‘Hi Otto.’ The little boy looks at me with a baffled expression—light green eyes wide open and marshmallow-y rosy cheeks fresh from sleep. ‘Have you forgotten me already? It’s only been a week.’

He’s still processing the voice and the face, and Corrie buries her face in his belly, as she holds him like a little boat from the song, and Otto squirms in delight, his rabbit teeth peeking behind his smile.

‘Shall we show the scheepjes to Luuk?’ she asks her son, who dips his little fists in her hair, then lets go, as his mom sings and rocks him.