Page 10 of AMS.TER.strum

‘Why didn’t you call? Or ring the doorbell. It does work sometimes.’

Bea cackles. ‘Sometimes being the key word here!’ She drops the bags on the floor, the wooden hangers inside clanking against each other. ‘I did try; this wasn’t one of those times. Took the phone out to call, saw the messages and thought to butt in.’

I take in all the colourful garments. ‘Thanks so much for doing this!’

She sends me a side smile. ‘Anything to get you out and about again!’

‘Is this the topic of conversation whenever I’m late for our drinks?’

Bea studies something fascinating on the ceiling. ‘I can neither confirm nor deny.’

Jokes aside, she does have a point. In the past years, my life has been mostly mothering, working and cock-tales sessions. Sure, I have to get back on the horse, as my friends keep nudging me to—the word riding always following me. The question is how much I want to, if at all. Despite the tough early years with my babies and the challenges of being the sole primary carer, we have found our routine and balance. Letting someone enter into that equation makes my protective walls rise—and they are quite high and solid.

‘You’re not being disloyal, you know,’ Bea says casually, her gaze on the outfits draped over the couch’s back.

‘I don’t feel disloyal to Johan.’

‘I meant Luuk.’ Now Bea is hand-ironing the fabric of a beautiful burgundy shirt I can’t wait to try on.

I jump up as if she has stuck a pin into my voodoo doll. ‘Luuk and I are just friends.’

‘Hey girlies!’ Dory’s voice sounds in my living room, for Bea chose the most uncomfortable moment for our video call.

‘I’m here, too! What are we talking about?’ Lola sounds in a hurry, reminding me of how my own voice usually sounds, because she might have “only” one child to single-handedly care for, but then there’s her rapidly growing business.

‘Unlike your kid, you can legally sell your business,’ Dory, the other entrepreneur among us, always points out, adding that she’s glad she’s got no kids, so no such dilemma.

‘About Corrie not dating due to being loyal to her friend, Luuk,’ Bea provides.

‘I am not,’ I solemnly declare.

The reactions that follow don’t surprise me. We’ve been through this conversation several times: them encouraging me to test the waters with Luuk, me insisting that it’s out of the question. And lying. Slightly. In my defence, conditions are less than optimal, never in our favour, so what’s the point of putting any theory to the test and risk losing precious friendship?

‘Sure, only keeping any non-gay male at arm’s length,’ Lola says, not that her own dating life is so prolific.

‘I’ll never understand why you two have friendzoned each other.’ Dory’s sigh is joined by two more, one on screen, the other off it. ‘How can you resist jumping the bones of such a fine man?’

‘Friendship was the only thing on the table from the get-go. You know how things were in my life, when Luuk and I met, then how his life was upended. I guess… timing was never right.’

‘Sometimes, we are allowed to give things a nudge, make them align,’ Lola says, and there comes another round, this time of nods, on and off screen.

‘Is this an intervention? Am I being cornered to sort through my feelings?’

‘You know that all this is coming from a good place, right?’ Bea asks.

‘I do. But sometimes in life, you just miss your slot with another person, and I feel that this has been the case with Luuk for, well, years. He’s fantastic, my kids are in love with him…’

‘So are yooouuu…’ Lola butts in.

I ignore the comment, of course. ‘…but see what happens every time? Plus, we don’t know what’s going on in his mind.’

‘I’m pretty sure we dooooo,’ Bea says, fanning herself. ‘Those songs…’

‘Let’s please focus on the ticking clock. If I’m gonna look halfway decent for this dinner…’

‘Date!’ all three correct in unison.

‘For this… date,’ I amend reluctantly, ‘I’ll have to find something to wear.’