Page 105 of AMS.TER.strum

The cock-tales trio laughed their heads off when I told them I wanted us to test how things would go. They made sure to meaningfully ask during every session, toasting to ‘How things will go,’ then all looking at me, before exploding in fits of giggles.

So we started sharing the same space and having an “official routine” together, as Mom calls it. Which is beautiful and chaotic and homey and I just love it! But the ones who were absolutely ecstatic were the kids.

‘Is Luuk our papa now?’ Ada asked one evening at the table.

Luuk replied in a heartbeat, ignoring my flaming face. ‘Ja, schat.’

The way my daughter jumped into his arms, almost toppling her chair, only for her brother to follow suit, had our eyes overflowing. He’s a dad to them in all the ways that matter. He jumped headfirst into parenthood in a way that had my fears resurface, making me wonder whether it would overwhelm him once the novelty faded.

‘I just want to make up for lost time,’ he tells me, time and again.

One of the kids’ favorite routines when he is around are school runs because he loves the bakfiets and doesn’t care if it’s raining. ‘Still in the heroic phase of braving the elements. Part of living in Amsterdam,’ he jokes.

Fortunately, one novelty that abated with time are the looks he used to get, which neither of the kids helped. They would tell everyone who would listen that they know a famous singer! They sounded blasé about our trips to the States, since they are part of that routine now. Which they love, but Otto confessed to me they do it on purpose, so that their friend doesn’t feel excluded: ‘Because Kalvin doesn’t have a papa yet.’ There was certainty in that yet, as if my son knows it’s a temporary situation.

‘Mama!’ Otto pulls at my sleeve, just as the front door opens and the kids dart to a tired-looking, broad-smiling Luuk.

He crouches to give them a hug, his eyes on me. ‘So great to see you all!’

‘Welcome home!’ all of us say.

‘Wow, I feel so important!’

‘You are important!’ Otto says.

‘And we have surprises!’ Ada jumps in.

Luuk brings his fanned-out palm over his heart, taking in the decorations. ‘More surprises?’

They giggle.

I’m busy lighting the sparkles, my back turned to them, hiding the next surprise with my body.

‘Ta-da!’

‘Wow!’ Luuk is truly in awe. ‘Cake! As if it’s my birthday!’

‘Your birthday is in October,’ Ada reminds him.

‘Het is voor Vaderdag,’ Otto explains.

Luuk’s eyes open wide, and now he realises what’s written on the bunting and the balloons, and he hasn’t seen my hated confetti yet. He clears his throat, yet his voice is cotton-y. ‘Thank you. But this is also for your mama, right?’

‘No, because we gave her flowers on Moederdag,’ Ada says.

‘This is for you only,’ I add, bringing the cake closer, now that the sparkles are out.

‘It looks amazing, thank you!’

‘We made it!’ Ada says, casting a look at me. ‘We helped mama make it!’

Maybe “amazing” is overselling it, but even though it’s far from perfect, the layered chocolate cake is one of his favourites.

‘Thank you, guys! Are we eating the cake now?’ he asks, one finger wiping through the frosting, making giggles erupt.

‘No.’ Otto shakes his head, and once more I’m shocked at how much his expression resembles mine when I forbid something.

‘We have something,’ Ada solemnly announces, bringing Luuk to sit on the couch.