Page 1 of Tap My TOKTIK

OLIVIA

Ishouldn’t find comfort in the absolute chaos that is Dion’s house, but here I am again, soaking up the laughter, the wine and the madness that is her. My friends are an odd mish-mash, but I’m truly lost without them. These past few weeks that Dion was away, I really missed this. Looking around I don’t know why, but I did. In truth, they just adopted me into this friendship, I was Amelia’s friend first. The kids and the mayhem sometimes overwhelm me, but I have four younger sisters so it’s like being back home. In fact, my youngest sister is the same age as Zach so they have the same teenage angst going on. Lord help us all.

“So, are you moving to New Zealand?” Amelia pokes fun at her sister, like only sisters can.

“No dumbass, his family is moving here, remember?” Dion rolls her eyes. “You need a hobby because you are way too invested in what I might be doing.” We all laugh. Amelia thrives on drama, and she lives for the entertainment value her sister’s life brings.

Kerry turns to me. “I heard you’re dating.”

“I’m not dating. It’s research. In what world world would I go on an actual blind date? Have you lost your minds? Firstly, stranger danger is a thing, you know.” I have zero inclination to date, but I do need some inspiration for the deadline that is barreling towards me. They say write what you know — well, I don’t know dating. I needed to start somewhere, so Amelia, who is now laughing her ass off, set me up on a few blind dates.

“I actually genuinely can’t imagine you on date, Liv. No offense, I just can’t see it,” Dion says, and gulps down her wine. I’m not offended, but I am in a way. I could date if I wanted to. I just don’t want to. I have no time for a person, I barely have time for these lunatics and my job.

“Why? I could date.” I try not to sound upset, but I am, even if just a little.

“Olivia, have you met you?” Amelia asks, she still finds this all very funny. “You would chew a man up and spit him out, and not even realize it.”

Her oh-so-blasé statement makes me feel attacked. “What do you mean?”

“I have never met anyone more independent, allergic to human interaction, or full of shit than you are. That’s all. It’ll take a special bloke to put up with your unique ability to disappear from reality without warning.” Charlotte doesn’t hold back the punches either. Jeezus, is this how they see me? And they are my friends. I really don’t need enemies. It’s part wine talking, but they’re not completely wrong. It just stings to hear it out loud.

“Look, maybe one of these research dates turns into something. I’m not looking for a hero to come along, and insert himself in my life. I know that shit is fake. No offense Dion, but I’ll just be waiting for it to end from the moment it starts. I’m happy on my own.” I am. Am I? Yes, I am. “I just need to finish this fucking book. It is killing me!” I have never felt so uninspired in all my life, and I’m quickly running out of time.

“Have some more wine, Liv.” Kerry hands me the bottle. “You sound more stressed than the rest of us tonight.” I am. Firstly, I have never in my life cut it this close to a deadline, and then I have the pressure of this goddamn blind date coming up. It makes me want to vomit and at the same time I’m a little curious as to who Amelia thought was a good match for me.

“She won’t give me his name because I’m not allowed to internet stalk him and cancel this date. Feels like the stone age, and highly irresponsible going into a date not knowing the person. Who does that shit? Why, if he’s a professional gamer, or a middle management desk jockey — I don’t want to date either of those and neither does my character.” I get hyped up and point at Amelia. “I have done some wild things in the name of research, but this feels as if I might just actually end up dead.”

“He’s none of those things. God, I do know you,” Amelia cackles. “And I read your smutty-ass books, so I know what your characters enjoy too. I’m perfectly qualified to play matchmaker. Fictionally and in real life, thank you.” The girls laugh, and thankfully the subject changes to Dion’s very eventful sex life. Since her and Mika are a real couple, things haven’t calmed down. She just doesn’t run down the road in her undies as often. They’re quite cute. It’s weird though, after her divorce I’d have thought she’d eat any man who got close to her. I would have, had I been in her shoes. To me it’s strange how she could get hurt and then trust again, but I guess she feels safe with Mika.

“You guys haven’t forgotten our weekend away have you?” Charlotte reminds us about the retreat she booked for us. I had forgotten, but in all honesty I’d hoped she had too. My to-do list is starting to get as long as the novel I haven’t written should be at this point in time.

“No,” I reply, covering my face with my wine glass, hoping she can’t see that I’m lying.

“Mika is going to watch all the kids, so I’m still good. I need the break. Like neeeeeed.”

“You just got back from a fancy ass vacation in New Zealand, bitch,” Kerry says.

“Vacationing with four kids is NOT a vacation.” Dion flips her the bird and goes to open the door for our dinner delivery. The amazing combination tonight is ribs, burgers and Vietnamese food. No one could choose so everyone chose. Winning combination, obviously, because my stomach is doing flips, and not the good kind. The idea of any of those things together is gross.

The adults eat outside on the back porch so the army of tiny people can break the house down in peace. Coming to Dion’s is like free contraception, if you leave here still wanting kids then you have something wrong with you. We are mid-mixed-up meal when Zach pokes his head out of the door.

“Aunt Liv, are you on TikTok?” I just look at him, trying to swallow my food.

“Why?” I ask cautiously.

“I think I found you. I want to follow you.”

“No, and you have found yourself on the wrong side of TikTok. Do not follow me. Over twenty-one’s only.” Jesus H Christ, why are kids these days looking where they shouldn’t be looking? “I’ll tell your mother to take your phone away!” I yell after him.

“Tiktok?” Dion asks, raising an eyebrow. She knows I don’t like social media.

“Listen InstaFAM, you have no room to judge. My agent says it’s the new place to be for authors. So I’m learning some childish fucking dances, lip syncing, and that bad music really is a thing.”

“Lord help the internet,” Charlotte says. “They are not ready for Olivia’s dance moves.”

“I could sing,” I suggest, though I can’t carry a tune to save my life.

“Please don’t,” Amelia says. “Like, not ever. Not anywhere that isn’t your shower. You can’t sing.” I can’t dance or lip sync either, but I’m trying my best to be cool on the booktok.