Page 34 of Insta [FAM]

DION

After the family barbecue, I didn’t know what the fuck to do with myself or the weird feelings I had. The feelings I promised myself I wasn’t going to catch. They came out of fucking nowhere, and knocked me on my ass. So, I did what I always do, I avoided them. And Mika. I just shoved it all aside and threw myself back into work and my shitshow life as if him and the fucking bunny never came into it in the first place.

I muted his messages and ignored his calls. Forced myself to shut it down, before I get hurt. If you don’t have feelings, they can’t get hurt. So, I switch mine off. By Thursday afternoon I have almost forgotten Mika exists. Almost. But my sister takes a moment to remind me.

“You need to call the vet and get laid. Your inner bitch is showing, and I don’t like her. She’s rabid,” Amelia says, spinning on her office chair like it’s a merry-go-round.

“You need to shut the fuck up, the mood I’m in I might just fire your ass.”

“You can’t fire me, I’m blood.”

“All the more reason to fire you. I don’t need Mika; I can take care of myself.”

“You’re less bitchy when he takes care of you, is all I’m saying.”

“I know about three hundred ways to murder you, is what I’m saying.”

“De-NILE it’s not just a river in Egypt you know,” she mocks. “You caught feelings the day the shelter caught fire and it was all happy families. I know you; you are trying to avoid feels.”

“Drop it, Amelia.” I don’t like how close to the truth she is, so I get up and leave the office, pretending I need to make coffee. I don’t even want coffee, but I also don’t want to think about Mika and how that makes me feel. She’s planted the seed in my fertile damn mind now though. I take a deep breath, and push all that shit right back down where it belongs. I need to pull myself together, it was nothing more than great sex a few times, that’s it. It was nothing. “Nothing,” I mutter to myself.

“Keep talking to yourself and maybe you’ll believe it, but I won’t,” Amelia pipes up behind me. She’s a pain in the ass today. A giant one.

“Fuck off, Amelia.” I flip her the bird.

“I actually came to give you your phone. The sperm-donor is blowing it up with texts and calls. If I answer, we’ll end up in orange jumpsuits.” She hands me my phone as it rings again.

“What the hell does he want now?” I mutter as I answer, making sure he can hear me.

“What?” I snap when he greets me.

“Hi, Dion.” Oh, he’s being nice today. Pity, I’m not. “I just wanted to check with you —“

“No,” I cut him off, because I’m disinclined to agree with it whatever it is.

“I haven’t finished,” he says, “I wanted to ask you if—”

“Still no.” I have zero patience for his bullshit. “Whatever it is, no.”

“I just wanted to take the kids away this weekend.”

“It’s my weekend, you should have done it last weekend — the one you decided you couldn’t have them because you were so busy.” I know what he was busy with, my friends screenshot his life and share it with me.

“Dion, come on. We just swapped, so this is my weekend.” His tone changes and it rubs me the wrong way. “Be reasonable.” I’m always reasonable.

“Look, I’m not telling them they’re going away, then you don’t show up, and I have to deal with the sad faces and bad moods. So no, do it on your weekend.”

“I don’t want to have to take this shit to a lawyer, Dion.” He’s angry that I don't just do what he says anymore. “You’re withholding access, that’s a breach. I’m allowed to swap weekends.”

“You’re a walking breach of contract,” I say. “So you go ahead with that.” Fuck him and his high horse. “I don’t have time for this crap today.” I do have time, but I don’t feel like spending it on him. “They’re not going unless there's a court-stamped letter saying they have to.”

“I’ll have it over this afternoon because I’m taking them away. They need to get to know Crissy.” Oh, dear Lord, help me not go to jail today.

“Crissy, huh? Sounds like a real gem.” I heard via the gossip tree, I mean prayer chain, or whatever the school parent group is called, that he had proposed to the latest barbie doll. “It’s still a no from me.” He hangs up, spewing profanities at me, and I just breathe in and out. I could just let them go with him, but some days I’m a bitter bitch. Today is one of those days. Amelia hands me a fresh cup of coffee, shakes her head and leaves me alone to just deal with the mess in my head for a second.

In all honesty, I need more than a second, I feel like I need a gin and tonic, a yoga session and a chat with my therapist, Holland. I almost call and make an appointment, but I already know what she’ll say so I save us both time and decide I’ll take a drive with music on full blast instead. It’s cheaper and more effective.

“I’m taking a drive!” I yell so Amelia knows I’m leaving.