Page 20 of Insta [FAM]

“Could you maybe bring Lola home? Like now, before nine-thirty.”

“We don’t do that Dion, you need to fetch her.”

“You do do that. Because if you do that you can do me at the same time.” I put it out there that he will get lucky if he comes over.

“Is this a booty call at eight-fifteen on Friday morning?” He sounds offended.

“If you want to call it that,” I do not understand this man, “then sure, but we did make an arrangement. So, if you want to drop off my bunny and take care of my pussy, we have a small window where your house call will be uninterrupted.”

“Okay,” he says slowly. “I should be able to bring her home for you.”

“Great, hurry the fuck up before my ass-istant sister arrives.” I hang up, bolt upstairs, fly through the shower and pull on a t-shirt dress. I don’t bother with underwear, there won’t be time for that. I pull my wet hair up in a messy knot and tidy it with a headband. I don’t need to look fabulous, just fuckable. I’m brushing my teeth when I hear the front door, which I purposely left unlocked.

“I’ll be down in a sec.”

“Don’t rush for me.” Amelia. Shit. Why did she have to be early today, of all days? She’s never even on time, let alone early, but today she is? Seriously? Fuckit.

“Why are you early?”

“Why do you care?” she asks as I get to the bottom of the stairs. Before I can answer, Mika knocks on the open front door with Lola in a pet carrier. “Oh, that’s why.” She takes the bunny from him because he and I are staring at each other without saying anything. Amelia heads to my office, talking to the fluffy hellion.

“I guess that window of uninterrupted time has closed, huh?” Mika says when she’s out of sight.

“Sadly, it has.” I’m annoyed. Horny, and annoyed. Not a good combination.

“Can I take you to dinner tonight maybe?” he asks as I usher him out, and close the door, seeing my sister returning out of the corner of my eye. She’s loving this.

“I have kids, Mika, I can’t just go out for dinner. And that’s not what this is. We had an arrangement. All the fun without the bad dinner dates and crap. Besides, they’ll be home tonight.”

“We can’t go to my place,” he says, looking at his feet. “I also have a little person.”

“Ever heard of car sex? You know, if you can get drive-thru dinner, I’m sure we can do it in the car.” I’m that sexually frustrated that car sex sounds good. My sister opens the front door and it takes this interaction to a new level of weird.

“Do you want me to go, so you guys can, ya know, do your marshmallow thing?” she asks. “Then I’ll come back later.”

“No!” we both reply at the same time. Amelia laughs. She knows I’m frustrated, that being a single mom is already hard, but trying to find time for me is impossible.

“I tell you what, the kids and Lola can sleep over at my place tonight,” she says, looking at me, and then turns to Mika. “You,” she points at him. “Be here at seven, don’t mess about this time, Buddy with a Bunny. I don’t like kids enough to do this on the regular.” I cover my mouth to stifle the laugh, because his face is priceless. Amelia steps back in the house and adds, “I’m putting it in the schedule. Fucking hell, I even have to book your sex appointments. You need to get your shit together. I’m billing this as over-time, with danger pay.” When she’s gone, Mika looks down at me. He has this naughty, cheeky smile on his face. It does things to my mind that are downright filthy.

“I guess I’ll see you at seven, and I’d like to at least take you to dinner, and all that crap first,” he says with a smirk, before he leaves me standing there knickerless with a mouth full of teeth. There is a zero percent chance of me getting any work done. Now I’ll have to cancel with the girls, who are going to want to know what’s so important we can’t drink wine and bitch all night. Best I let them know before I’m coochie-blocked twice in one day. They won’t offer to leave; they'll want tickets to watch. After a group chat with them, I try to focus on work — try, being the operative word. I don’t succeed.

“I will fetch the kids and bring them to get overnight goodies,” Amelia says to me from her desk in the corner. “Then you can shave and shower and, you know, try not to look like shit — maybe even put pants on.” She wiggles her eyebrows and tries to make a sexy face; it just looks like she’s having a stroke. “For your date.”

“It is not a date.” It’s not.

“Keep saying it, maybe you’ll believe it.” She snickers. “Because I don’t.” She’s getting way too much joy out of this. “If it looks like a date, smells like a date and is hung like a horse — it's a date.” My sister loves mocking me.

“Fuck off. Go fetch my kids, don’t be late. They’ll judge you like they judge me.” They totally will, anything earlier than the time I would normally fetch them will make her a hero. If she wears pants, she’ll have bonus points right out the gate.

“They don’t judge me. I’m the cool aunt who lets them get candy for breakfast.” She gets up from the desk, grabbing her keys and her purse. “For the record, I’m feeding them nothing but sugar and screen time — because it’s Friday and I actually had better things to do than babysit.”

“Like what?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know what I do after hours.”

“You would have been here drinking wine with us.” She would have, it’s a fact, she has no life. Amelia just gives me a look and leaves to fetch the kids.

It’s not often I have peace and quiet, and in these rare moments, I wonder if I’m being foolish doing this with Mika. I know from trying before that I don’t have the time to date, to give someone what they deserve in a relationship. But I miss that connection, the physical touch, and simply being around another person who isn’t mu kids, my sister, or my friends. Basically, a man. I miss random things about having a other half — sex is one of them you just can’t ignore. My sister is probably right. I should try to at least look like I want to get lucky.