Page 7 of Under the Same Sky

“Perfect. I love you, Maggie.”

“I love you more, sweetheart.” She kisses Eli on the cheek, and then disappears upstairs while I warm a pre-made bottle. I pick Eli up, and settle in the plush leather recliner in his nursery upstairs. He’s wide awake, and staring at me, his eyes filled with wonder and wisdom beyond his years. But what chokes me up is the trust I see there. Melissa was terrified of becoming a mom, she was worried she was going to be terrible at it, and while I reassured her a million times she would be fine, I finally understand her fear. Because now this little boy is mine in a way, and I’m terrified of letting him down, of letting Ryan and Melissa down. Then I think about what Maggie said, and realize Ryan and Melissa must have seen something in me that far surpasses any fear I might have. I press the bottle to Eli’s mouth, and he suckles. He’s a tiny thing, weighing only shy of five pounds at birth, and only drinks half an ounce of formula per feed, but something in the way he looks at me tells me he’s going to be just fine. We both are.

“I promise you, Eli, your aunt Reese is going to do the best she can, okay? For you, your momma, and your daddy.”

Chapter Four

Reese

I’ve been dreading this day from the moment the reality of Ryan and Melissa’s death had set in. Which, to be honest, only really happened now that I’m in the church— the very same one they got married in—surrounded by what looks like the entire town. Not that I’m at all surprised. Ryan and Melissa were loved by our small community. What I'm not prepared for, however, is the gaggle of fans who have congregated outside the church, all waiting in anticipation of seeing Thorin and his bandmates. To be fair, the majority of them have signs with their condolences written on them, and they’ve all placed flowers on the outside of the wide-set staircase. Some are even crying. I’d been given a heads up the day before by Thorin’s manager, Alex. He called to let me know they would meet us at the church—a small mercy for which I’m still grateful because I’m not sure I would have been able to handle seeing Thorin before today—and had arranged extra security. He’d also sent out a press release announcing Thorin’s loss, and asked that the band’s fans respect their privacy at this time. I didn’t question it, despite the notion being a little odd to me, but now I understand. And I have a suspicion it’s not just the young girls from our town who have come to show their support. With Eli strapped to my chest in a black baby sling, I greet everyone with a warm smile, and thank them for coming. My nerves are skittering around my stomach like ping-pong balls though, and if I’m totally honest, it’s not just about saying goodbye to my best friends in the most final way possible. Thorin’s arrival, which should be any minute now, has me feeling all kinds of anxious and nothing seems to dim that feeling in my gut. When I look down, I see that Eli is fast asleep, which is good. It means I’m managing to keep my anxiety, and sorrow under control. I’d called Imani the night before, worried about how to go about getting through a memorial with Eli. I couldn’t exactly google How to get through a memorial service with a newborn without feeling like a complete, and utter idiot.

“Honey, that baby will feed off whatever you’re feeling, and as hard as it’s going to be, you have to be strong,” she’d said.

Strong. How the hell am I supposed to pull that off today of all days? Calm I can manage, thanks in part to the anti-anxiety medication prescribed to me earlier this week, but strong? That feels like a tall order. I’m busy greeting some people when there’s a commotion outside. I look up just in time to see four black Range Rovers pull to a stop in front of the church, and my heart lurches straight into my throat. The crowd outside goes a little wild, but not so loud as to be disrespectful, as each band member steps out. It’s a memorial service after all, and they at least have the decency to keep that in mind. The first to enter is a tall-ish guy, blonde hair neatly cut, and dressed in a pristine black suit that looks custom made. I immediately assume it’s Alex, the band’s manager. Hot on his heels is a demure, blue-eyed red-head, dressed in a simple black wrap dress, and open-toe Louboutin heels. For some reason, I suspect she’s the bitch who kept me from speaking to Thorin all week, assuming that I was a damn groupie. My hackles rise, and then there’s a hushed silence falling over the entire crowd of people inside. But Thorin isn’t the first to walk inside. It’s his bandmates, Benji, Fletch and Carson, all immaculately dressed in three-piece suits. They all played football together in high school, and I knew of them, but had never really known them. Not that they would have given a girl like me the time of day anyway. They ran in different social circles, and when Thorin became friends with them, he ran in those same circles. Inevitably, that left me on my own. Before everything happened with Ryan and Mel, I never bothered with Thorin and his band. I didn’t care what they were doing, or where they were, but when their manager had the decency to call me and introduce himself, I decided to google them out of reluctant curiosity. Apparently, not only had puberty been kinder to them than it had to me, it appears that time itself has been kinder too. They’re all well-built, tall, and have certainly filled out the way most men do when they get older. It’s only Carson who’s on the slimmer side, but he still holds his own against his bandmates. Maggie notices Thorin, and all but runs to him, launching herself into his arms before breaking out into a sob. His lips move as he whispers something in her ear, and then she’s hugging his bandmates. It’s then that Thorin lifts his head, and his ice-blue gaze lands on me. He’s just as well-dressed for today, minus the vest, and good god, he looks good. My first instinct is to look away, maybe move closer to the throng of people gathering towards the middle of the church and away from the cold coming through the doors, but my traitorous, disloyal feet stay cemented to the ground. He’s the same boy I grew up with, shared secrets with, and yet he’s not the same boy at all. He’s all man now, his jaw more defined than I remember, the planes of his face perfectly carved out. His mane of thick, brown hair is neatly tied in a man-bun, and his jaw is lined with a light dusting of a beard. If refined ruggedness wasn’t a thing before, he’s sure as hell made it one. The only thing that hasn’t changed, though, is the shade of his eyes, or the way they make my stomach do somersaults like it’s an Olympic sport. He always had that affect on me, and in the two days since we spoke, I’ve prayed I wouldn’t feel that again when I eventually saw him. But then again, I’ve prayed that losing Ryan and Mel has all been a nightmare, and that too fell on deaf ears. I’m still staring when someone in front of me clears their throat, and the air leaves my lungs in a whoosh when I see Jessica Ashwood standing in front of me. If I thought seeing Thorin again would be a shock, this is so much worse. Why she showed up is beyond me. She didn’t know Mel, and Ryan made it clear on several occasions that he couldn’t stand her, despite her many efforts to get him to go out with her before moving on to Thorin. Which means she only came for one reason. Instinctively, I straighten my spine, and crane my neck to look her in the eye. This girl made my life a living hell in high school, but she’s also Thorin’s ex-girlfriend. She was the cheer captain, student body president, prom queen and all round super bitch who put Regina George from Mean Girls to absolute shame. With long, platinum blonde hair, lucid green eyes, and the body of a runway model, she’s everything I’m not, and when we were at school together, she made a point of reminding me of that fact on a daily basis.

“Jessica,” I greet stiffly, trying not to revert back to the girl she’d repeatedly humiliated in front of everyone. That girl is dead.

“Reese, I didn’t think you’d be here,” she huffs, giving me a once-over. I look nothing like the girl she taunted all those years ago, but she’s smart enough not to comment on it. She drops her gaze to Eli, and then to my wrists. She knows the scars are there, the vertical lines that mar my skin, but my hold on Eli keeps them hidden from plain sight. I open my mouth, a snarky remark on the tip of my tongue, but a warm presence behind me has me snapping my mouth shut. I’d recognize that heat in the middle of a forest fire.

“Jess.” Thorin’s deep voice travels over my shoulders, and both rattles my bones and steadies me at once. The shift in Jessica’s demeanor is so swift it’s almost imperceptible, but I’d seen it too many times in high school to miss it. For a short while, Thorin had protected me from her wrath, and whenever she overstepped, she’d play coy just to placate him. Obviously, it’s not something she’s grown out of. Then again, girls like her never really leave high school, figuratively speaking.

“Thorin,” she breathes. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I came to pay my respects, and see if you’re okay.” I fight an eye roll, and feel the way Thorin bristles behind me. I can understand why I wouldn’t want her here, but Thorin’s reaction to her presence is strange. He was all over her when they were together, she was his first everything, and now he’s treating her like a bug on the bottom of his shoe. In her defense, I don’t know how they broke up, why or when, but it’s obvious from Thorin’s cold tone that it didn’t end well. Not that I care. It wasn’t any of my business back in high school and it sure as hell isn't my business now. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“I was just saying hello to Reese. It’s an unexpected surprise to see her here, and with a baby, no less.” Her comment is laced with snark, and maybe even a little repugnance. If I weren’t holding Eli, I’d risk the embarrassment of throat punching her, regardless of the fact that we’re in a church. God would have to forgive me, or maybe overlook the indiscretion completely considering Jessica deserves it, and even He knows that.

“Reese is family,” replies Thorin. “Of course she’ll be here, and the baby she’s holding is Ryan and Melissa’s son.”

Something in his tone makes Jessica shuffle uncomfortably, and her cheeks go a slightly darker shade of pink, though it’s hard to tell through the amount of make-up she has caked to her face. His inference to me being family, however, makes me stiffen. Ryan and Mel were my family, yes, and so were Maggie and Elijah Sr, but Thorin was never family to me, and he damn well knows it.

“Right.” Jessica clears her throat, and in its wake is a painfully awkward silence. Thankfully, the Pastor asks everyone to take their seats before Thorin has a chance to say something to me, and rather than sit next to me and Maggie, he joins his bandmates in the front pew on the opposite side of the isle. It’s a relief, to be honest, because while greeting him at his own brother’s and sister-in-law’s service would have been the polite thing to do, I’m not ready. In fact, I’m not even close to ready for anything that’s about to happen.

Maggie greets last of the guests, and I hear her sigh as she shuts the front door. After the service, everyone—and I mean e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e—came to the ranch for a light lunch. Maggie had it catered, of course, and ordered enough for an entire house full of people. Now that they’re all gone, it’s a relief. Between talking to people here and there, and feeding Eli or changing his diaper, I’m completely wiped out. I’m busy scrubbing a pan, the same one I’ve been scrubbing for god knows how long, when I catch sight of Thorin and Jessica laughing beside my truck. Although Thorin’s laughter is strained and his posture rigid, Jessica throws her head back, and touches his chest. Her laughter is enough to scare anything within a five mile radius. I frown.

“I never liked her.” I jump at the sound of Maggie’s voice, and look down as if I weren’t just caught staring. “I’m so glad Thorin ended it when he did,” she adds. I glance at her profile out of the corner of my eye and see she’s scowling. Maggie never scowls, always said it wasn't a Southern woman’s way, but at this rate, it looks like she’s about ready to haul her husband’s shotgun out the closet and scare Jessica off the property. I don’t know what to say to that, so I stay quiet. Eventually, Maggie grabs the pan from my hands, and puts it aside. “Scrub any harder and there’ll be nothin’ left.” Thankfully, she doesn’t mention that I could have just put it in the dishwasher, but I’ve been fidgety all afternoon and with Eli asleep upstairs, I need something to do with my hands.

“Sorry,” I mumble. “I’m distracted.”

Her expression softens, and she looks as tired and worn out as I feel. “Have you spoken to him yet?”

By him she means her son. I shake my head. “It’s been a little crazy.” It’s not a complete lie, I could have easily pulled Thorin aside and at least said hello, but I used every opportunity I could to avoid him. Not that he was easily accessible, either. He was caught up with his own conversations, people wanting to know how he’s been, what the band have been up to, and being told it’s good to have him home, despite the shitty circumstances. He was polite, but I could tell he was uncomfortable, and just as desperate to have everyone leave as I was. But Maggie allowed people to leave when they wanted, ever the hospitable and gracious woman. I glance up again, and Maggie’s scowl deepens, her hands fisted on the countertop. I follow her gaze. Jessica is close enough to Thorin to rest her hands on his chest, and she’s saying something. It’s difficult to read her lips from here, but I can imagine she’s propositioning him somehow, maybe offering him a delicate shoulder to cry on, or a quick fuck to take his mind off losing Mel and Ryan. I wouldn’t put the last one past her. I was, unfortunately, privy to many reminders about how wide she used to spread her legs for the man in front of her, of how hard he used to take her ‘all night long’. She liked throwing it in my face in high school. Often. “I’m going to check on Eli,” I tell Maggie, trying not to think much of whatever Thorin and Jessica are doing, or plan on doing later. Maggie’s expression softens. “Don’t avoid him for too long, sweetheart.”

“He looks pretty busy right now, Maggie.” Bitterness coats my mouth, and I can’t hide it from my voice. “I’ll catch him when he’s not so…occupied.” I look away from Thorin and Jessica, and make my way upstairs to Eli’s nursery. He starts to stir, so I change out of my black lace sheath dress, slide my heels from my feet, and rummage through my bag for something more comfortable. I place my shirt, and bra on the changing table on the opposite side of the room, and slip into a pair of yoga pants before grabbing a swaddling blanket from Eli’s chest of drawers. He’s awake when I look at him, barely making a fuss when I remove his pajamas. With him against my bare chest, I cover us both with his blanket, and kiss his head, noticing the way his eyes drift closed again. This is something Imani recommended, having Eli against my bare chest. I’ve been doing it since he came out of the incubator, and make it a nightly ritual before I put him down for the night. She explained that the skin-to-skin contact is good for him, and as reluctant as I was at first, it’s bonded me to him in a way I can’t explain. It soothes me as much as it does him, and it doesn’t take long before I’m dozing off too.

Reese: 14 years old

“What if everything changes?” I ask Thorin. We’re lying on the grass behind his parent’s house, staring at the stars. He takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze.

“It won’t,” he assures me. “You’ll still be my best friend, we’ll still eat lunch together in the cafeteria, and we’ll still catch the bus together after my football practice like we always do, Reese Pie. Until I get my truck.” He smirks. He sounds so sure, but then again, Thorin is always sure of everything. Me? Not so much. We start high school in the fall, and it terrifies me. Not that I’d admit it to Thorin. I feel weird around him sometimes, especially because my body has started changing and I don’t like it. My boobs are small, but I’ve gained weight, especially around my belly and my thighs, and have a bunch of spots on my face. Ugh. Being a girl sucks. And if I look at Thorin, I realize just how unfair it is. He’s taller than he was at the start of the summer, he’s got muscles where there weren’t before and there’s not a single pimple on his face. Granted, he’s a year older than me, and started changing way before I did, but he changed in a good way. I’ve been around him a million times, we’ve been best friends since kindergarten, but suddenly, when I see him, my belly starts to flutter, and I start feeling shy. Not that he’s noticed. He doesn’t see me like that, he never has, and maybe part of my fear about starting high school is that he’ll start seeing other girls the way I want him to see me. Especially because they’ll be his age, and maybe he’ll even catch the attention of some of the older girls. The only reason we’re even in the same grade is because I’m taking AP classes so I can graduate a year early. “Do you promise we’ll stay friends, Thorin?” How can I tell him I’m scared that everything will change when school starts? That while he’s filled to the brim with confidence and self-assuredness, I’m overflowing from the inside out with insecurity? He turns his head, and pins me with his ice-blue gaze. “Best friends,” he corrects. “No matter what. As long as we’re under the same sky, you’ll always have me. And,” he rolls over to face me, holding my hand to his chest, “We’re going to senior prom together, remember? You promised me you’d be my date.”

I giggle. “That’s four years from now, Thorin.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he says. “You, and me, and senior prom. Together. Pinky swear?”

I give him my free hand and hold out my pinky.

“Pinky swear,” I promise.

He smiles, and rolls onto his back to look up again. The smile on my face lingers, and hope blooms in my chest like a lotus flower. Thorin will keep his promise, I know he will. For a while after that, he did. We did everything together freshman and most of sophomore year, but the summer before junior year, he really changed. Or maybe that’s when I’d started to accept that he’d changed, that he was no longer my Thorin. He wasn’t my anything. I wanted to blame it on the fact that Ryan was heading to college after that summer, and that Thorin was going to miss him, the same way I was, but I realized I was just making up excuses. He broke his promise, and many more after that. We didn’t stay friends. He thought we did, but not really. He’d cemented that by doing what everyone else did. Humiliate me. Albeit by default, or something as simple as a knee-jerk reaction on his part. But I had no idea at the time that my worst humiliation and heartbreak were still to come, or that it would push me over the edge and straight into the arms of the worst decision I’d ever make.