Page 68 of Playing Pretend

The only way to avoid that land mine was to change tack, and talk about less volatile topics. Caleb asked about college, and while I wanted to leave out the challenges I faced, I chose to tell him everything. One part of me felt relaxed enough to talk about it, and the other part – subconsciously – wanted him to know that I was nothing like my family. The complicated nature of our ‘relationship’ aside, I needed him to know who I was. Time passed, we laughed, shared a few silent moments, and ate dessert – chocolate panna cotta. One of my favorites. It was the best first date I’d ever had, not that I could compare it to much. My ex took me on dates, but they were never sincere because it was more for my father than for me.

“Everything okay?” asked Caleb.

I looked up. “Yes, everything’s…perfect. Why?”

“Your face,” he replied. “Your smile fell.”

I took a sip of my wine. “I was just thinking about…” I stopped myself mid-sentence. “Never mind. It’s not important.”

The silence between us grew poignant, filled with everything we wanted to say but were too afraid to. ‘Anchor’ by Mindy Gledhill started playing in the background, and I blew out a breath. “I love this song.”

Caleb placed his glass on the table, and stood from his chair. He reached for my hand. “Dance with me.”

I wanted to throw caution to the wind but…

“It’s just a dance,” he added quietly. I relented, and rose to my feet. Caleb took my hand, and walked me closer to where the music was playing. With my right hand in his, and my left on his shoulder, he wrapped an arm around my waist, placing his palm in the dip of my back, and we started swaying. Perfectly in sync, which was ironic considering I felt like we were in completely different places emotionally. That was my fault though, I was expecting too much. Rather than dwell on that thought, I let go, and took Caleb’s lead. I tipped my head, and stared into his eyes, so blue and lucid and stunning.

“Why did you do this?” I asked. I’d been thinking about it all evening, and could no longer keep myself from asking Caleb outright. I wanted to know why he’d put in so much effort. I expected him to be crass, and say it was because he wanted to have sex with me again, but what came out of his mouth was the last thing I thought he would ever say.

“Because you deserve it.” He touched my cheek, and I realized we’d stopped moving. “And because I want you to know it’s not just the camera’s. I want you to trust me again, and try see me as the man I am, rather than the man who’s been a royal ass.”

“You want to know the truth?” I asked, feeling the butterflies in my belly take flight.

“Always.”

“I’ve always known who you are. I just think you forgot for a while.”

My pulse raced, waiting for Caleb to reply.

“And then you showed up, and made me want to be better.”

God.

How could he say stuff like that and think I wouldn’t be affected?

Without any further encouragement from me, he lowered his head, and brushed his lips across mine. He seemed cautious at first, but when he saw that I wasn’t going to protest or pull away, he kissed me with more force, more determination. I wrapped my arms around his neck, rising to the balls of my feet for better reach, and returned his kiss. His hands slid down to my waist, and I could feel his arousal against my stomach. My nipples peaked beneath my shirt, and I rubbed them against Caleb’s chest, needing the contact. He pulled away, and opened his eyes to look at me.

“I think we should take this to the bedroom.”

I bit my lip, and then replied, “I’m tired, and we need to check on Brae.”

“You’re using my kid as an excuse?” Caleb snickered, his smile wide beneath his stubble. I caught a glimpse of the man I so desperately wanted to believe was beneath that rugged, and tough exterior.

“I guess it would seem that way, but you’re wrong. I really am tired, Caleb.”

He squeezed my hips, and brought his mouth closer to mine. “We’ll do this at your pace. I promise.”

“This won’t be in the papers tomorrow?” I had to ask. The thought of Caleb putting this all together for me only to have it photographed for the press made my gut twist.

“No one knows about this, so it’s just you and me.”

It wasn’t long before I found out that Caleb was able to keep a promise after all.

AFTER THAT NIGHT, Caleb and I found a new routine. It was easy, falling into step with him and finding my place with him and Braelynn. In the blink of an eye, three of the best weeks flew past.

It was the night before the launch party for Callahan Records. It had kept me busy, but I loved it, and Aaliyah was right when she’d said Caleb would give me whatever I needed to make sure the event was a success. After several meetings, he was satisfied, and even optimistic about the concept I had in mind. His confidence in me only made me want to work harder, and deliver the best I could. I knew if the event was a success then a promotion wouldn’t be far off, and that was something I wanted. To prove myself, to prove that I was both capable and willing. Things with Caleb were going so well though, that it put a kink in my plans of getting a place of my own. Caleb hadn’t defined what we were, but I was sleeping in his bed every night – or not sleeping – and I was helping him with Braelynn. We shared her feedings, woke up together if she was being difficult, and spent time together like a real family. It was perfect, but the possibility of it all being for ‘show’ had still nestled its way into my mind, burrowing deeper and deeper the more permanent our situation started to feel. It had less and less to do with Caleb proving that I could trust him and more to do with a feeling that my time with him was limited. For the past week I had a feeling that something was coming, like my newfound contentment with Caleb wasn’t going to last.

It was Thursday night, and I was going over the final seating arrangements for the launch party. Caleb walked into the living room with a bottle in one hand, and a squirming Braelynn in the other.