Page 54 of Come Back To Me

What a mess.

I took a few more minutes to get my composure, and when I was sure I could face Alex, I opened the bathroom door. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, shirtless and had put his boxer briefs back on. My heart lurched painfully in my chest.

“Alex…”

He looked up, the confusion and contrition perfectly visible on his face. “Are you okay?”

I’d just propositioned him, and then turned him down in the space of one night, and he was asking if I was okay.

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. I stepped closer, and sat down beside him on the bed. “I wish I had an explanation for what just happened.” I shook my head, humiliation warming my cheeks.

“Did I do something?” asked Alex. He paled at the possibility that this was his fault.

“No! God, no. It’s just…” I paused. “I can’t remember if I’m a virgin or not.” Bashfulness and chagrin had me diverting my gaze, my cheeks burning so hot I felt it crawl down my neck.

Alex shifted, and then he was tilting my chin up with his forefinger. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Kenzi. We probably should have spoken about this before I booked the room for the night. I don’t want you to think I expected anything.”

“I know that,” I rested my hand on his forearm, his eyes so much warmer than I deserved. “I’m sorry.”

He gave me a lopsided grin, and replied, “I’m not.” I frowned. “It was kind of hot.”

“Until I stopped you,” I added quietly.

“I’m glad you did. The last thing I want is for you to regret anything between us. Especially sex.”

I fell quiet, feeling awkward talking about this.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

I thought about it. It was late, and I couldn’t expect Alex to drive us home after the night we’d had.

“We can stay,” I told him. “Although I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave me here.”

“Not a chance.” He gave me a quick peck, and moved further up the bed. He patted the space beside him, and like the selfish asshole I was, I laid down beside him. He switched the television on, and seemed far more content to be there than I was. But in the end, I knew he deserved better that what I could give him.

I WOKE UP to the sound of ruffling, and pages being turned. I twisted around, momentarily blinded by the rays of sun streaming through the hotel room’s open curtains. I twisted my head. Alex was hunched over on his side of the bed, his back to me. The sound of another page being turned met my ears, and for a moment I didn’t think much of it.

Until I remembered that I’d packed my journal in. I sat upright, and darted across the large mattress to see what Alex was reading. I looked over his shoulder, my pulse quickening when I noticed my journal in his hands, wide open.

“What are you doing?” I snapped, my voice shaking with panic. I reached forward and grabbed my journal from his hands, hugging it to my chest as if it were a prized possession. In a sense it was because it contained my most private words. I may not have known where they came from, but I was oddly protective over them. And of the man who lived there.

“How dare you!” I flung myself off the bed, and stepped away from Alex. “This is private.”

He stood up, and it was difficult to tell whether or not he was angry.

“You know,” he started, “I thought you were being honest with me last night, but now I see that you wouldn’t sleep with me because there’s someone else.”

“N-no.” Dammit, I stuttered, which in my book was akin to an admission of guilt.

“Don’t play me for a fool, Kenzi. It’s there, written in ink and on paper, whatever you have going on with…” he paused, his brows scrunched, “Wait. It’s Vaughan isn’t it?” I felt the blood draining from my face, but I didn’t know why. It felt as if I’d been caught out. “I knew there was something going on between you two, but you still lied to me, even when I asked you.”

“It’s not Vaughan,” I retorted. My stomach dipped.

“Isn’t it?” Alex pulled his hands through his hair, and then started grabbing his clothes. “Then who is it, if not him?”

I didn’t answer, but he mistook it for a denial. But I couldn’t really deny what I didn’t know, and I knew how crazy it would sound if I told him I didn’t know who I was writing about.

“I can’t do this.” Alex pulled his jeans on. “I won’t compete with him.”