Page 30 of Come Back To Me
“I hate seeing you like this,” I swallowed the knot in my throat.
“And I hate not knowing what to do to help you,” replied Maddy. She gave me a pointed look, and the flash of indignation in her eyes reminded me why we were best friends. We were two sides of the same coin.
“Yeah well, I don’t even know how to help myself right now so we’re on the same page there. I feel so…” I sought out the right word, but ended up with, “all over the place. I don’t even know how to separate how I’m feeling into one single thing.”
Maddy’s expression turned compassionate, and it was a welcomed change from the pity I’d seen there so many times before. “How much of how you’re feeling has to do with Vaughan?”
The question was simple, and yet still beguiling. I’d spent so much time thinking about how I felt, but had yet to consider why. That’s when I realized…
“Everything.”
Maddy stared at me, her smile sad. “You’ve been trying really hard to figure out what happened between you guys last year, it’s like you’ve been fixated on it.”
I inhaled deeply. “I didn’t think about it that way…”
And I hadn’t. Not really. But looking back I noticed the signs. Vaughan was always there, either before or after I had a panic attack, and whenever I saw him, spoke to him, I was agitated, and more confused than before. I wasn’t blaming him, not at all, but there was something to be said for why being in his presence always left me rattled in some way.
And why it was him I sought comfort from when my mind was blank.
“What did he say to you before he left?”
“He said we need time.” And I was still trying to piece that together.
“I think he’s right,” said Maddy. She covered her hand with mine. “You’ll never be able to move on if your past is still staring at you in the face.”
Her eyes widened when she realized her slip-up.
“So something did happen between us last year.” It wasn’t exactly news to me, but no one had confirmed it. Now though… “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Maddy’s lip disappeared into her mouth before she replied, “Because telling you might not affect you, but it will affect him. He’s my friend too, and I don’t want to see him hurt if you know what happened between the two of you but didn’t remember on your own. It wouldn’t feel right, you know?”
When I remained quiet — what could I say? - Maddy added, “You need to listen to him, for both of your sakes.”
I didn’t want to, I wanted to find out why Vaughan King was such an enigma to me. But I felt like I owed it to both him and myself to do what he wanted. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.
“What are you going to do about Jackson?” I asked, changing the subject. I wanted a little more time to lament on what Maddy had said, but not at buttfuck o’clock in the morning.
“I need to move on,” she sighed. “Same as you.”
“Is that what you want?”
Maddy frowned. “What I want became null and void the moment he slept with someone else, so now I’m stuck with doing what I need to do.”
I nodded. I had no idea how anything I said would make her feel better right then. She was still too hurt and too angry, and I granted her that. Had I been in her shoes I would have felt the same way.
“Boy’s suck,” I laughed softly. “I think it should be just us for a while.”
“Yeah,” exhaled Maddy. “We’d totally make a kick-ass couple.”
I snickered because she was right. We knew each other inside and out, and love each other for the good, the bad and the ugly.
“It’s settled then,” I said, sitting a little straighter. “Just you and me until we’re old and grey and farting dust.”
“Fine, but I’m not wiping your ass when you can longer reach back there.”
Maddy looked so serious that I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. It was a full belly laugh, and once I started, Maddy was laughing too. We laughed until we cried, and then cried because right then, life sucked and we were two broken girls trying to make sense of it all.
MADDY AND I pushed through the throng of writhing bodies obscuring the dance floor, and walked to the bar. The bartender grinned at us, his fake lashes fluttering as he batted his eyes.
